AJAX BELL

Author of the Queen City Boys books


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stop me if you think you’ve heard this one before

Some mornings I just can't win.  Woke up 40 minutes before my alarm, laid in bed for 20 minutes and fell back asleep about the time I'd decided to get up.  Overslept. Raced around getting ready. Picked clothes that matched.  Got to work, caught myself in the mirror and realized that I look like my mom.  Sure, my mom is beautiful, she was insanely gorgeous when she was young, but man, I would rarely be caught dead in her clothes.  The problem here, I believe, is the shoes.  The very comfortable shoes, which my mom picked out, purchased for me, and then bought herself a matching pair.  I probably never should never have let that happen.

And while I was driving to work there was this whole thing on the radio about the Chinese economy and I got to thinking about how we've completely screwed ourself in the US.  And how it's really this insane culture of consumerism and disposability that has fucked us.  I mean we've sold off our entire manufacturing industry to lowest bidder in Asia and other places, so that can create for us massive amounts of stuff we don't even need.  I mean really, there is nearly NOTHING at Walmart that you or I need. Sure you can get lots of cheap stuff there, but why do you needs many cheap items when perhaps one good one would do whatever the job is?  OF course, obviously, I am as guilty of buy into this consumerist economy as anyone is.  Sure as guilty as I feel about it doesn't seem to stop me too much.  Partly because while I understand this idea of everything each individual does does matters, I'm not sure it's true.  I don't shop at Walmart.  So?  Does that really change the entire culture of my country?  Because a drastic, 180 change is all that is really going to make a difference. In 50 years can we get everyone into the culture of conservationism so fully that we no longer even need to manufacture plastic trinkets and cheap knockoffs overseas? So we can return to manufacturing in this country (using renewable power) and go back balancing our import /export levels?  Can we create enough decent paying jobs for our own citizens so that those same citizens can afford quality items made here and eradicate the needs for using cheap overseas labor?

Ugh, sorry, it's not like I have any new, interesting or original ideas there.  I'm just really bothered by it today.  I will resume (after last weekends retarded mass of shopping) to buy as much as I can used, or made in America, and really just to buy less.  Maybe next week I'll give you my high horse lecture on packaging and how we should all be boycotting the absurd packaging that wasting resources on everything we buy.

And, superficially, and self-servingly, let remind you that my birthday is in 14 days, and if you're so inclined, you should buy me something handmade.

Um, hi.  It's sunny.  I 'll be over here in my mom outfit drinking more coffee and getting to work, yeah?

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fleeting porch of tide

Yesterday I drove down Murphy Rd and the long rows of cherry trees were at their most fleetingly beautiful–when the blossoms still linger but half the tree has already turned toward green rather than it's earlier puff ball of pink foam.  A day or two maybe do they look like that, but so beautiful that I almost wish I could cature it forever.  I can't though.  Believe me, I've tried.  You just have to be there, exactly at the time, seeing it for real. And even your memories won't keep the true beauty of it until you see it again and are reminded.

Cherry blossom season in Tennessee is much shorter than in Washington.  I feel sort of wistful at how quickly it's passing.  Maybe because of that, or maybe because I've just plain lost my mind, I've dressed in a yellow blouse over a green tank today, with jeans and bright green flats.  Taking a stand for disintergrating daffodils everywhere by dressing like one.

Is it too early to eat lunch?  Should I just keep pouring coffee down my throat?  I am so sleep deprived I feel on the verge of nervous break down.  I just couldn't stay asleep last night no matter what I did.  This morning, however, I would really like to be asleep, oh yes I would.

Birthday count: 18 days.

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how I long for sweet sweet sleep

There's going to be another Bond movie with Daniel Craig? Oh, be still my heart.

Yikes,  I will never get used to thunderstorms in the morning.  It just seems so strange.  I love thunderstorms of all stripes, but the morning ones feel so weirdly out of place to me.  I really do think of them as afternoon and late night things.

I don't think I've had a decent night's sleep in a week.  It's wearing on me in serious way.  Despite that, I look fabulous, at least from the neck down: black trousers, black slingbacks with little buckles, ruffley white blouse with a little black and light blue pattern, black sweater, hair up in princess-y, WASP-y ponytail with a little black headband. And I smell like pomegranates and green leaves and tiny flowers.

I'm all for cover songs. Love them, love variations, love the differences in them.  And not just country songs, but like punk covers of Beatles songs, or ska covers of Duran Duran songs, or you know, whatever.  But really if you are going to make a tribute album to Elliott Smith, maybe shake it up a bit and not have it be full of douchey singer/songwriter types who wish they were as good as Smith?  In that case I'd really rather just listen to the originals. (This rant brought to you by Pandora.com, which is giving me a bunch of garbage this morning.  I feel that the main problem in their programming is that when you create a station, it gives you ways to much half-assed 'sounds like' and almost none of the actual bands you programmed in to it in the first place. Grump grump grump.)

Today I have the urge to listen to nothing but the Old 97s.  Alas I didn't bring my iPod to work and I have none on this computer. Boo hoo.

But tonight Kristen is working!  I haven't seen her in almost a week!  I am so happy to see her again that his morning I danced around my bedroom while getting dressed!  And this weekend will be long and lots of hard work (if I don't wuss out and be lazy and decide I need a mental health break or something) but if I get it all done, my quality of life will be much improved. And hard work never hurt anyone, well unless you hit yourself with a hammer or drop a brick on your own head.

Oy, I just edited this pre-posting, and every place I should have used "a" I had instead typed "the."  What kind of sleep-deprived brain malfunction is that? Yeep.

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breck girl

I woke up late and thought I heard the shower running, but it was the driving, heavy, beating rain.  Ugh. Rushed to work in the nearest clothes I could grab, unbrushed hair and no make up.   Fortunately a friend of a friend is training at a fancy salon and needed hair models this morning, so now I have fabulous hair if nothing else.  Unfortunately I just realized while taking pictures of said hair that I have black bra and white shirt on.  Did I mention I was rushed today?

Hmm, the pictures don't do it justice.  It's all flippy, cute, Lauren Graham hair.  YAY!

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you wish your life was this exotically exciting

I had an excellent weekend.  I actually got a fair amount done (not everything on the list, never everything on the list) and had tons of extra super awesome fun.  If half the weekends in my life were as good as the past one, I might be the happiest person alive.  Of course I'd also probably be unbearable to be around.

In O:BNM news, I gave myself a manicure last night, painted my nails a lovely brick red.  I have not painted them in, quite literally, years, as my nails are always either cut short as a practicality, or damaged from doing wire work.  I've forgotten how nice it is to type and look down and see such pretty nails.  It's fleeting, as it probably won't last more than a day, but it was worth it.

Also I weighed myself last night, for the first time in a very, very long time.  Discovered that I am only 5 pounds from my ideal weight.  How awesome is that?  However, weight loss should come with some sort of financial award, as how else can one afford to buy all new pants?  Today's slacks, not worn for a couple months, are just this side of unwearable, in terms of fit.

My ridiculously useless co-worker just came in, all full of anxiety, unsure of what to do, huge emergency!  The emergency?  Our boss is not in the office, and co-worker needed to ask him something!  What to do? I suggested using a new-fangled device called the telephone.  So far it seems to be working out for him. 

Kristen has finished her third toilet seat.  You better get your order in fast.  I'm telling you soon she's going to only be making them for celebrities and telling her story on Oprah.

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cranktastic

How is it that I can go to Walgreens, or CVS or whatever, to get tampons or kleenex and a new toothbrush, and I come out $40 lighter?  I know it's my own insanity.  I'll be walking through thinking, "I've got great black mascara, and that brown is pretty good, but I hate the brush on the brown-black one."  And suddenly I'm spending 15 minutes in the make up aisle contemplating different brands of mascara before wandering off to find some shampoo that seemed promising from the commercial.  *sigh* Consumer hell.  I really need to go on a 60 day no buying anything but food cleansing.  Hmm, maybe starting in April.  As I was walking to and from Walgreens, I was cracking up over this.

I came home last night, exhausted, super cranky and starving only to discover that the internet and the cable were out and there was no food in the house. Ugh.  Fortunately Holly came home not long after and rescued me by going to get Mediterranean food and listen to me complain endlessly about Comcast.  (Love calling them because invariably it's, "yes, there have been outages reported in your neighborhood." Well fucking great, what are you doing about it?)

The only bright spot in my day is work tonight. I mean I don't even want to go, Painful Sets Tuesday, whooo, but hey, Kristen is probably working and that always the best part of my week. Well except for maybe when Jami comes by unexpectedly and entertains me when I'm doing something I'd rather be procrastinating on.  And new shoes would be awesome, but I don't have any money, so I'll have to settle for Kristen.  Not that it's settling, but, um, yeah, I'll just stop now.  Is it lunch time yet? Oh, it is? Woo!

I hate all my shirts today.  I think it might be time to rotate out whatever I deemed spring clothes last year and put in storage.  I don't even care about being cold any more, I just can't stand any of these sweaters and misshapen long sleeve tees.  I want cute shirts, damn it.  And sandals, but I can hold out another month or so for those.

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crankypants are itchy

I am irritable today.  I blame the rain.  Though it's supposed to be nice this weekend, so I'm trying to remain positive.

One of my interns is endlessly chattering at me, about her bank balance, her date last night (worthwhile, they did spend most of the night in the emergency room after he choked on his first bite of dinner), her Yankees tickets, her hair, things she seems to be reading off the internet.  None of which is work related, all of which indicates that she is not working while she's here.  And hey, I'm the queen of fucking off at work (I'm doing it right now!) but I don't go endlessly, stream of consciousness, chatting about it to everyone in earshot.  Also when she does it it encourages Annoying Coworker, and he comes wandering in and starts hemming and hawwing and fidgeting and stuttering out his own boring insipidness.

Man, some times I'm just an awful person.  I should delete that last paragraph.

I look cute today though.  My new, single digit sized jeans (which are actually perhaps a little loose), caramel colored cowboy boots, tan sweater, dark burgundy levi's jacket, hair in braids, giant earrings.

I was going to write a long missive on weight loss and how now that I've inadvertantly lost a bit I'm more inspired to try harder to exercise, etc.  However, I won't bore you, and will instead go try and get all my work done so I can hopefully upgrade my computer before I go home.

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