Author of the Queen City Boys books



Oh damn!  I was just reading today's Crappy Hour on Jezebel.com, and I suddenly flashed on my dream from last night.  I actually woke up after it and tried to make an effort to remember it, but all morning all I could remember was that I wanted to remember something.  But now I remember!!  Seriously, I can't make this stuff up.  I dreamt that Al Gore was single (and younger, and hotter), trying to sleep with me or at least get me to have dinner with him, but I ditched him got involved with Obama's peeps.  Somehow this ended up being me, some staffers and Obama riding around in limo all night, going to a buch a coke parties, getting really fucked up and then back to some swanky hotel room where all the staffers were having dirty sex and Obama was pontificating to me about politics.  I found myself wishing I'd just gone on the date with Al Gore.

You wish your brain came up with stuff like this. Although maybe I need to alter my RSS feed reader so I am not reading politics and gossip blogs all mixed together, yeah?

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hanging out the passenger side of your best friend’s ride

My shoulder, neck and forearm on right side hurt so much I might just go home and drug myself into oblivion.  Note to self: int he future if you are weakened by mild hangover and already exhausted, perhaps don't spend a day on a ladder, arms raised, drilling things that are higher than your head. OW OW OW OW OW.  I am handy.  I do adequate small carpentry work.  It hurts though!  WAH!

Now I am at work and clearly whiny.  Not just the pain, but the cold, cold weather.  Yes, yes, last freeze of the year and on into early summer after, but BRRRRRRR.

Why does the fancy, smooth silk they make dresses and slips and stuff out of never smell like anything, but sweaters made of silk always have that weird silk smell?

The cherry blossoms are gone gone gone.  It's sad but now there's dogwoods and redbuds (I just learned what those were this weekend!). 

I've had the song "Scrubs" stuck in my head since I woke up.

Last night was another night of very interrupted sleep.  At this point I should probably give up caffeine entirely.  But alas, then how would I live?  I will instead go back to being much more diligent about not drinking coffee after noon, as that seemed to help before.

Heh, despite the overall tone of this post, I am actually quite cheerful.  I have a shiny new notebook, I got to work early, I'm wearing a ridiculous sweater. 

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warning: mood swings every 30 seconds

The real important question to cast out into the universe this morning is, why was Joe Namath in my dreams last night?

And also, I hate our graphic designer at work so much.  I regularly send him the text that needs to be whatever promotional piece.  He repeatedly sends me back designs with key phrases missing because they didn't fit the design he made.  Well buddy, if it's an order form, you can't just leave out all references to it being an order form because it doesn't aesthetically please you.  Yeah, you have to keep the words I send you IN it, and make your ugly designs work.  If I was the boss this guy would have been so fired, so long ago.  Alas, he's like my boss's college roommate or something, so we continue to pay him exorbitant amounts of money to do sub-par work and do it very slowly.

Yes, I am somewhat cranky today.  Sure it is possibly hormonal, but I prefer to blame dreams about Joe Namath (ew, no, not those kinds of dreams).

In much better news, almost all the trees are now dressed in some lacy, new, pale green foliage.  Almost every remaining vestige of winter if falling under the dreamy, lush Tennessee green.  Green green green green.

Hey!  I just found $6 while cleaning out my purse.  Now going to go walk in the sun for a bit and maybe spend my $6 on something.  Like, um, hmm, something!

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internet, babies, banks and lip balm

The internet has been out most of the morning at work.  This means less fucking off, but also less work, since a good portion of my job requires me to answer email or submit things online.  *sigh*

I went to buy a new hairbrush this morning and my card wouldn't work. Hmm, hmm, hmm.  So I called, as you do, and was informed that there was a hold on my account.  Until 2 pm today.  Why?  Because last night an electronic transaction for deposit and withdrawl went through at the same time. Um, what? a) I'm not sure how this is my problem, and b) if they've solved it, whatever the actual problem was, why shut down my account until 2 pm?  Does something magic happen at 2 pm. Was there a fear I'd withdraw all my funds, sticking the bank with $76 in uncleared checks, and run off to Mexico to never be seen again, and that risk is over at 2 pm?  And how is this my problem? I mean I honestly understand less and less of banking as it becomes more electronic and seemingly less based in reality.  Blah blah blah blah blah.

Burt's Bees now makes lip balm with pomegranate oil in it.  I am so excited.  However, it also has something else in it which smells sort of old lady like.  Camphor or something, I'm not sure exactly.  But the pomegranate will make me at least use for a week and see if I can get over the old lady aspect.

Am much better than yesterday.  Exercise, mental and otherwise, and meditation have driven back the beast.

This week is WAY too long, and alternately much too short, depending really on if I am in my office or anywhere else in the world.

I had a really, really weird dream last night in which I had sextuplets, 4 girls and 2 boys, in secret, like managed to hide the pregnancy from my friends in baggy sweatshirts, etc. (yeah right). And then the father raised them all as single parent, with help from me and other friends, but no one ever knew I was actually the mother. It was really weird, not just in content, but rather than being a stress dream as pregnancy dreams usually are, it was all kind of calming and relaxing and without angst despite the secret birthing and all.  I think this is a sign that my decision to remain childless is the right one.  They were really cute babies though (all six of them, ack!).

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daydream believer

I am a believer, to some strange and varied extent, in the supernatural.  I am hoping that my dreams are prophetic. Last night I dreamt that I won a new washer and dryer. And that someone I've been pining over was in love with me.  A week or so ago I dreamt I won a shit-ton of cash. The night before last I dreamt I got an awesome job at a tattoo parlor that was 1/2 time and paid way more than I am making now.  So, 'cmon, universe, let's got to making some of my dreams come true, eh?

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sleep, snow, shoes

Number of times I was awake and actively up last night: 4.  Ouch.  My kingdom for a decent night's sleep.

You know what would be great? If every time I put on heels and hose in the morning, I could walk outside and find it NOT snowing.  Granted it was just slight, non-sticking, teeny flurry this morning, but still!  Every time I try for something other than bulky sweaters and boots the weather defeats me. ARG.

My shoes are cute, but really designed for feet shaped much different than mine. Which is sad because they are a spendy brand of shoes, designed specifically to be very comfortable and they are not.

I have less than nothing of interest to say today, apparently.

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please, just a little shut-eye

I went to bed early.  I read until my eyes were heavy, which didn't take very long.  I glanced at the clocked as I rolled over to sleep and was thrilled to see how early it really was and glory the idea of getting a good, full night's sleep.


About an hour after I fell asleep I woke myself up coughing.  A deep chest, non-productive, wrenching cough that went on periodically for about an hour.  After I was nauseous and ill from the painful tightening of my chest and abdominal muscles while I coughed.  Finally, again, I slept, only to be woken again my an awful, really traumatizing dream.  I read for a little bit to try and erase it from my head before I slept again.  The hard, driving rain pulled me back to reality a few hours later.  I would normally have gone right back to sleep, except then the thunder began.  Some of the loudest, longest rumbling thunder I have ever heard, at one point right over the house, so booming that it literally shook everything.  That was around 4:30.  Then as the thunder abated, the early morning traffic started, extra loud on the wet roads. I got up, found some ear plugs and threw myself back to it.  Given the twisted, weird, kind of painful dreams I had after that, I perhaps should have just given the idea of sleep at 4:30 and gotten up then.

It is grey and rainy.  I have my iPod to keep me company and I will, I swear I will, get every thing on my list at work done today.

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of a certain age

I had stress dreams last night.  The majority of my stress dreams almost always center around moving.  This time it wasn’t me though.  In the dream I arrived at a friend’s house in the early afternoon to help her move and found her asleep and not having packed yet.  She assured me the landlord would give her a couple more days but when she called, she found out the new tenants were moving in at 6 pm that evening, giving us about 3 hours to pack her whole huge apartment and move everything out.  We called some more people and brought them over to help.  I kept sending people out to hit liquor stores for more boxes and stuff but they kept not coming back, until finally I was there only person there doing the packing and loading the truck.  Meanwhile the new tenants were moving stuff in around me, filling the rooms I’d emptied and sort of hovering, trying to make me pack things faster.  Everything I was left packing was delicate and fragile, and I had no boxes so I was trying to carefully pad things in newspaper and then pack them in grocery bags and hope they wouldn’t break.

So, thanks, brain, for that.  Not subtle at all, although better than the life stress combined with zombie apocalypse dreams I had on Saturday night.

Today is my sister’s birthday.  She’s 15.  I’m amazed both that I have a sister that young and that she’s that old.  Jesus. Isn’t she still the cutest little three year old ever, trying to climb up my leg so I’ll hold her away from cats and small dogs (which she was terrified of as a child)?

I expect it’s mostly hormonal and some other stuff, but I am feeling quite old today. I washed my hair this morning, so all the shorter hairs along my part are frizzy and sticking up.  They are all grey, giving me kind of a white halo in the review mirror as I was driving to work.  I’m not terribly concerned about going grey, it’s inevitable, and my dad went grey very young, so I’m mostly happy that it actually held off this long.  But while I’m fine with the streaks coming in across my forehead and on the sides of my head, I wish those short wiry ones all along my part would go away.  Anyway, I was staring at the grey hairs, while sitting at a stop light, and the light from the sun roof and the rearview mirror always seems to highlight them so much more than any other mirror I look in. And I realized, as my own birthday is creeping up that I am a woman of a certain age. Like I’m too young for middle age and too hold for youthful hijinks.  I can’t run around like I did in my 20s, nor can I yet fall back into a cushion of “too old for that.”  I should be focusing on my career, I believe, as at my age most women are focusing on children and families, and I’m so not going there, that I really should be doing something for myself.  And I’m trying, I really am. I’m, just today, feeling a little defeated at how fast the world is passing me by and wondering how much harder I’ll have to work to get the things I really want both at work and from relationships.

Speaking of work, dreaded day job just made me an offer of sorts. Basically it comes down to me having to make a decision by the end of February.  I either say, fuck this, I can do better, and walk, or stay. If I stay they are offering me a promotion with the re-org and a chance to essentially restructure the new position into what I want to focus on, with more money.  It sounds great, I guess, but there’s currently no guarantees on money and no definites on time frame. Plus it wouldn’t be until we got to new office (most likely late Feb), which is very inconveniently located in relation to my house.  I am actually pretty torn.  I could make a one year commitment for more money, a few more hours, a more flexible schedule and maybe a less annoying job. The new position would look great on my resume and could be helpful to some extent in my own career development plans.  But it could just be the same old shit shined up, and perhaps now is when I should take the leap to go a completely different direction.  Some of my major criteria for a new job are: flexible schedule, ability to travel or take time off as needed, more money, more decision making authority, new skills for future jobs. And current job seems to be offering me that and I’m not sure how easy it will be to find in a brand new job around here.  UGH

I think I’ve been listening to too much Tom Waits lately.  I need some sort of system of positive reinforcement in my life, that includes keeping me away from depressing music some times.  Speaking of, here’s a song for my day–

All that aside, the worst part of today is being at work.  It’s in the low 60s outside, sunny and the temp is still rising.  It smells like spring.  I have no illusions, as I know it’s supposed to get assfuck cold again in a few days, but man, I would very much like to be outside enjoying the lovely mildness while it’s here.