Author of the Queen City Boys books

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you know where you can stick your smoke, buddy?

On Thursday I go wait in line for 45 mins for emissions testing only to get told that they can not test my car because visible smoke is coming from the tailpipe.  So I check and watch car over weekend, see no smoke at all.  I decide guy is either an asshole or an idiot, since after 45 mins idling in 25 degree weather, surely something was visible from my exhaust, you know? I take car to mechanic this morning, tell him the story.  He's dubious, as he says they can only refuse to test if the "service engine" light is on, unless they've changed the law and he didn't hear about it. I leave my car with him, he tests it, he tells me, with the exact same machine they use at the state place and everything falls with in acceptable levels.  Mechanic says the only thing he can do is put a slightly heavier oil in it, which can reduce smoke if it's a problem, which he doesn't think it is. Then he tells me to go the emissions office on Craighead, not Dickerson.  Which I will do tomorrow.  Then go wait forever at the registration office again.
So either the guy at the emissions testing place was a total asshole or, well, I don't know what.  This is some yucktastic Mercury Retrograde bullshit, right here.  Now, I will take a deep breath and pretend that I like waiting in lines and driving all over town for no reason. But you know between the temp tag fees, extra emissions test and mechanic, there's $150 that I don't have anymore. Fucking awesome. Not to mention my time spent.

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it’s like, um, totally frumpy, but like, I can do better with my nice things

Validated: quotative like.

I just got a message from a vague acquaintance (a friend of an old fling), asking if she had heard correctly that I was doing the booking at the Station Inn. Um, no? And if someone is perpetuating such rumours about me can they please make an equivalent job materialize with it?

Week beginning January 24
Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “In the human heart new passions are forever being born,” said French writer Francois de La Rochefoucauld. “The overthrow of one almost always means the rise of another.” I suppose that’s true. We all have longings that come and go as we evolve. But I’d also like to propose an equally valid and contradictory truth: In every human heart there are a few passions that last a lifetime. They’re with us from the moment we’re born, and nothing can dilute their intensity. Our destiny revolves around them. These are the passions I hope you will define with precision and nurture with alacrity during the next eight weeks.

What does that even mean?

I’m feeling fairly old and frumpy today.  Timmy Mac tells me my new MySpace picture (taken today) makes me look like a pretty British girl. He flatters, as he always does, however, I’m so full of my own frumpiness that I can’t help but wonder if he means I’m hiding bad teeth or something. Then again maybe it’s because I tried to set it as my profile pic and it scrunched up funny and made me look all distorted and that’s unhappy making. (eta – I’ve decided I hate it and thus have taken it down and replaced it with a much better one.)Yesterday I resolved to do more nice things for myself. I have this weird habit of buying things for myself, like fancy body wash, or jewelry, or clothes that are nice and then not ever using/wearing them.  It’s like I think I need to save them for some special occasion which never arrives.  So I am resolving to use all the nice bath products, wear the lovely clothes etc. for no reason at all other than I like to look good and smell pretty. No point in having nice things if they just gather dust, yeah?

I have 4 eMusic downloads left for the month.  Everyone rec me a song you think I might like and might not have. Go!

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incredible adventures, but not mine

I got an email from my aunt this morning, with pictures from her recent rip.  She was married to my father's brother.  Interestingly she's the person I probably have the most contact, the most connection with on that side of the family (including my father) even though I guess I'm not really related to her since she is no longer married to my uncle.  Anyway, her recent trip was to Nepal, for a 20 day meditation retreat and then a week a touristing around.  Now she's back home, which for her is Thailand, where she's been living and teaching for the last few years.  I am always astounded when I look at the pictures of her travels.  She goes to such amazing and beautiful places and always seems to make connections with families and children in those places. She has been all over SE Asia and the South Pacific Islands in recent years and not really as tourist, but staying in people's homes and becoming involved in life in small villages and such.

I can't decided if she's braver than I am, more driven, or just lucky.  I know she went some huge upheaval when she divorced my uncle and really needed new direction in her life.  Through a series of somewhat incredible circumstances Thailand is where she ended up.  I'm not sure I'd want her life, but talking to her always seems to put my own life in perspective and make me itchy to go do something more fantastical and incredible than live an average life.

Not today though, because today I feel like hell.  Everyone around me has been stricken with plague-like flu.  Though I don't have a fever (98.3, I checked this morning), I went to bed with an awful headache, which got worse during the night and I slept fitfully and uncomfortably.  Woke up sore all over, with my head still tight and pounding. And so here I am at work, wondering why my life isn't a fantastical adventure of living in the Pyrenees and teaching in village school while all the children teach me Catalan.  Given the current state of some things in my life, perhaps I should just advertise on Crag's List Barcelona or something.  I'm sure someone over there would hire or marry me.  Then you could all come visit any time you wanted. 

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My feet are freezing.  I'm starving.  I don't want to be at work anymore.  I could go home, but I really should make a list of things I need to do if I do that.  Also it's probably not any warmer in my house than it is here.  Well in my room it is, but if I go hang out there, I'll just sleep and I have to work at the Wash tonight, so that's no good. I should just go home and listen to music.  I don't feel like doing anything else.  Except maybe whining and complaining but it's hard to find an audience for that and still have friends.

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I was admiring the trees as I drove in this morning. It's the pinnacle of fall here now. The trees are insanely gorgeous, the weather is still mild. Soon it will be cold and the trees will be bare and dead, but for now it's just picture book pretty, lovely like a never ending story of autumn.

I feel out of sorts today. Like literally unsorted. I'm not sure where I should be. It's grey and rainy out now. My work email doesn't seem to be functioning. I'm not getting any personal email, voicemail or text messages this morning. No one seems to be updating any of the blogs I read. It's enough to make a girl wonder if she exists at all. Maybe I am trapped in some awful limbo where one refreshes and refreshes everything on the internet and nothing ever changes.

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Remember a while back I said that a Clinton/Giuliani race would be very interesting because the Christian conservatives said that if such a race happened then abortion would be completely off the table as an issue and they would start looking at other things to decide who to vote for (as many evangelical churches vote as a block). The implication here was that social justice would come to the forefront and perhaps the conservative Christian vote would swing to left. Hmm. Well now Pat Robertson has come out for Giuliani. YIKES.

I am so procrastinating today as work is irritating me like a sweater made out of fire ants. I even typed up a post about it, but even that was so annoying to me but I'll post anyway:

I can no longer continue to have conversations like this:

Boss: this package is addressed wrong, [name] doesn't work there anymore.

Me: oh, well that was what it said in the email you forwarded me.

Boss: no, it said to address it elsewhere

Me: Uh *looks up the email* It says here to send the invoice to [name2] and nothing about the package. I assumed it was going to the person the email was from, since she says to send it to her department.

Boss: She doesn't work there anymore.

Me: Okay, I'll change it all to [name2]. *thinks: WTF, it's addressed to [name] at Sustainability Dept at Y company. If she doesn't work there, I assume someone else in the dept will get it. Like how when things come here address to [my predessesor] I get them.*

It seems minor, I know, but it's actually part of a much larger problem of absurd micromanagement, which interferes with my ability to do my job and wastes a lot of my time. It's part of the problem where I say, "Make changes on the hardcopy and I'll get the text changed," and I get the response, "Can I just hang over your shoulder at your computer and tell you what changes to make?" "NO. Make them on the hard copy so we can file it."

Bleh, I feel like I'm complaining about small things, but there's dozens of them every day. I'm not getting my actual job done efficiently because my boss is like an ADD little kid and has to interupt me every five minutes to ask me about something and break my concentration from what I was working on. Plus when I ask him to email me the details, so what he's asking doesn't get lost in the work flow, he never does. And when I email him and ask for clarification or something, it often takes him days to reply. And then I end up in conversations like, Him:"Why wasn't this shipped?" Me:"Because you never followed up with the contact info for shipping. I have no address to ship it to." Him:"Oh, well, I'll get you that." And then it's two days before I get it. And as the ED he shouldn't be worrying about any of this stuff anyway. He should be carefully managing the place and hiring people who can help us as an organization, not just randomly handing out jobs to his underqualified friends after I've spent weeks weighing the actual candidates that applied for the job.

Job satisfaction plummeting fast. And if I have to explain one more time how some aspect of the internet works I am seriously going to go postal.

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