Author of the Queen City Boys books

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hot color

So I stopped dyeing my hair a year or so ago.  The grey is coming in pretty niftily and I’m mostly happy with the color of the rest of it now.  How ever years of bleaching means that the ends of my hair are still sort of orangey red from fade out after I dyed the blonde out.  So today I fixed that. I’m happy.  I doubt anyone will notice, as it isn’t a huge change or anything, it’s just the same but better.

The weekend was nice, despite the rough night at work.  The temps have dropped a bit,  back to levels that one can think at.  But it looks like they are rising back to brain searing heights again.  Alas, summer in Tennessee.  I know there is no point in complaining.  I did all I could, I bought shorts, I packed all my warmer/long sleeved clothes, so they won’t mock me when I open the dresser drawer, and I changed my bedding out to as light as possible.

Are badgers scary?  I can’t remember if they are hideous like wolverines, or cutely benign like beavers.

Now, what’s for lunch?

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breif breifing

I have a lot to say, but mostly I am to busy. Or tired.  Or whatever. So you get uninteresting bullet points:

  • The restaurant I work at was robbed at gunpoint this past Weds night.  I wasn’t there, as my flight in from Seattle was delayed.
  • I’m working on a huge new project that involves far too much staring at code, thinking, planning, and like work.  Ack work! Ha.  It is satifying but time consuming without much to show for it yet.
  • K is here for the week.  Apparently she missed the heat, or she brought it with her, I’m not sure which, but I am damned sweaty.
  • I have many pictures to upload and share.  Someday.
  • I was going to tell you about everything I ate in Seattle but I suspect I won’t get around to it.

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i’m bleedin’ tired

Apparently I should stop complaining about my period because it holds all the secrets to desision making in my life.

Seattle is great, though rainy and cold.  I miss my friends here.  Clearly I need to find some profession that pays me enough to travel to see them as often as possible.  Or just convince everyone to move to Tennessee.  Sadly the latter seems unlikely.

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Yesterday was a total loss.  5+ hours of waves of horrendous pain and nausea.  I pretty much never got off the couch all day.  On the plus side I finished the third Otori book.  And it was stormy so cook-outs and all weren’t happening for me anyway. On the minus side, I still have a huge list of things to finish that really should have been done yesterday and definitely need to be done before I leave for Seattle.

Today is my last day in my office.  So far it feels like I’ve been here for 653 hours and have another 17,267 to go.  Ugh.  I’m hungry, impatient and really not into being here at all.

I’m trying avoid just wishing I was at home.  As that isn’t productive, but man, I could be packing or doing any number of the ten thousand other things I need finish before I leave.  Alas, I guess there is tomorrow.

I don’t have a song today, as I am on my dreaded Annoying Coworker’s Mac and have no songs to upload.

And apparently I have nothing interesting to say today as well, so I’ll work on that and get back to you.

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emergency hippos

Ladybug and I do not have to work tomorrow. So we are awake late on a Sunday night. Apparently there is nothing on TV at this time. Luckily, Ladybug has Tivo’d a documentary on hippos for me. That’s why she’s my best girl.

Did you know hippos can run 30 miles an hour on land? And they use their tails to spray dung to mark territory? So cute!

This morning I got up early and sewed curtains for the kitchen, did laundry and was generally productive. Then Whopperjaw came by on his way from Knoxville to Memphis and I made fancy brunch for Ladybug, Miss Sparkle and Whopperjaw. It was excellent, although might have come off better if I hadn’t started on the champagne cocktails before cooking. We hung out all afternoon, sweatin’ a bit as spring is apparently over in Tennessee. Then C-Train called and he was lonely, since his household has been empty for days, so Ladybug and I went over and he cooked us gumbo and we hung out and talked.

Now, hippos! Did you dung spraying is also a sign of excitement and respect among hippos? Just like the human world! HA! Seriously, the narrations this is hilarious. And much like anthropology, I’m wonder who decided that certain things were signs of admiration among hippos? How do we know hippos even feel admiration. Nonetheless, there isn’t much I love more than hippos, so we’ll be watching this over and over. Especially because the narration is hilarious! “For hippos licking is the most common expression of affection. In hippo society, the mouth is an important tool, used for exploring.” Um, I’m pretty sure he said, “the fruit of the sausage tree is a tasty treat.” Um, yes, definitely.

Here is your moment of zen for the day:

This is the inside of C-Train’s fridge. Scary, yeah?

Maybe if I get bored tommorow I will tell you about yesterday’s swimsuit shopping venture. Or doing my laundry. I’m not sure which is a more boring story.

Oh, now the hippo documentary is getting sad. Stupid crocodiles! Stay away from the baby hippos!!!

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Yes, work still consuming my fucking off time.  Lots to say, no time to say it.  Got clothes and  a song of the day and not much else for you:

DealershipFaded Crushes (clock to download)

When I have time, maybe later today, hopefully I will remember to tell you about work last night, the people from home, the love of drunks, and boys & dresses but for now I will leave you with today’s dress:

Although I’m wearing it in dark brown (I did buy both dark brown and the pretty purple). I think it looks way cuter on me than it does in that picture.

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dressed to eat, shut up about drinking

This morning was a getting dressed and having my usual trouble picking shoes. Hmm, I thought, the white flats with strawberries on the left one and cherries on the right one? Perhaps a bold choice with this dress:

And then I remembered that I am covered in tattoos, and while my friends might wonder at some fashion choices I make, no stranger on the street or customer at work is going to look at me in a sleeveless dress and think, wow, that was a bold shoe choice. It’s kind of freeing, actually. Fashion laziness by default.

Yesterday I lost 6 hours of my life to taking the class to get my ABC card. This is my permit to serve alcohol in Tennessee. Getting it entailed 5 hours of listening to the instructor literally drone on about the archaic liquor laws in TN and then endless discussion of how to tell if someone is intoxicated, and graceful ways to decline to serve more drinks to an intoxicated person (um, yeah, right). Hours of my life that I am never getting back. Fortunately the card is good for 5 years, so I don’t have to suffer through it again for a while.

Today is also the second day in a row I have left my phone at home. ARG. I don’t really even need it, you know? But not having it feels weird, like a continuous vague sense that something is missing. I think perhaps I should leave it at home more often. As I don’t like being that dependent on anything.

I had some stuff to say about food, but I’m at a loss. I did spend an hour on the phone last night talking about food, which most definitely is not the extent of what I have to say on the subject. Maybe I just need a little more coffee so I can go on to day dreaming about lunch.

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So. Things.

This weekend Ladybug and I went ten miles out of our way to do our grocery shopping at Publix. Publix is great. Reasonably priced, store brand stuff is awesome and I can get all hippie/natural brands that I’m accustomed to in Seattle and can’t get in my (awesome) ghetto neighborhood in Nashville. And Ladybug and I are always up for cross-cultural experiences. So there we were, in suburbs. It could have been ANYWHERE in middle America. It didn’t feel like Nashville. It didn’t feel like anywhere. It was just a vaguely American place. So we shop. We get our good foods. We marvel at the suburbs and we drive home.

So I’m thinking, here’s all these relatively uniform looking people. All these teenagers who are dressed like Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. And there’s nothing around that makes think this place is special because… It didn’t even necessarily feel like the South or Nashville or anything.

I bag on Nashville a lot. The grocery stores suck. Public transit is a joke. Decent restaurants must be carefully sought and aren’t just found. But really, I love Nashville. It feels like, well, Nashville. It has character and personality and despite how small it is it’s still genuinely urban. Yes, the racial divide is bad, the poverty is hard to deal with (especially when it’s so close), but I love even those things. It has soul, it is reality. There is more reality here than any American suburb. And it is dark and poor and horrible, but it’s also, arty and bright and amazing and I just love my city.

Sometimes you have to go to the suburbs to remind yourself of why you love the city. Also real urban kids don’t need to try and look like Ashlee Simpson because they have culture and variety and other things in their lives to keep them from becoming plastic parodies of people.

After grocery shopping, Ladybug and I re-arranged the kitchen a bit and it feels much more open and bright and utilitarian. Hurray!

I’ve started training my replacement at the day job. She seems great so far. So that’s good. Can’t wait to get out there.

Have a stack of reference/research books next to me. Should be doing that work. Am instead blogging and contemplating eating cold fried chicken and watching 13 going on 30. Which you know I hate both the leads of that movie, and yet, still enjoy the movie. Weird.

Yes, I had other things to say. Smart, interesting things. Political things. Intelligent things. Who knows now what they were, though, because I’ve forgotten. Maybe I’ll have a beer with that fried chicken.

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mmm chocolate

Work has provided me with some sort of dark chocolate lollypop.  It’s actually shockingly delicious. Like chocolate hard candy on a stick but still strangely rich and creamy and tasty.

I have, so far today, been anxious, bored, brokenhearted, tired, and lonely.  My hair looks terrible (though still very soft).  The chocolate lollypop could still turn the day around though.

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Besalu how I miss you

Originally uploaded by crackerjackheart

I am very clean this morning. I smell nice. My hair is soft. How ever I’m just feeling BLEH. Hormonal most probably, though knowing that doesn’t lessen the yuck feeling much. I am a little overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have committed to completing the next few weeks. I have a ton of documentation and other stuff to worry about, right at this very minute. I can’t seem really to focus, or to alleviate the free-floating anxiety. So instead, I am going to stare for a while at this picture of the bridge in Besalu and imagine I am there again. About to eat a delicious lunch of rabbit cooked with plums, and some perfect Spanish white wine. Then I will nap lightly on bench in the sun before heading of to hike in the Pyrenees foothills. Oh yeah, just like that. Mmmmmmm.

ETA-on a re-read all that cleanliness stuff seems sort of creepy. It’s only because I changed the filter in my showerhead yesterday and I can seriously feel the difference in how much better the water is.



Probably because my pretty girl, Miss Lala, keeps talking about it, suddenly I really want one of these.

I took my awesome intern on a field trip today. And by field trip I mean we went and tried on way too many conflicting perfumes and bought lots of lipgloss.  Now my lips are sweet and minty and my car and my intern and myself all smell like old ladies.  YAY!

I am, actually, in a much better mood now. And it’s time to leave work.  Look at that! Woo! And a little hoo!

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open letters, no need for answers

Dear Obnoxious Fucking Work Client,

If I say I will call you as soon as I have the information, then I will call you. Do not call me every 15 minutes asking if I know anything yet.

no love,


Dear OFWC#2,

Yes, the website is down. No, I can’t do anything about it but call our web guy. I can not call our web guy if you keep me on the phone asking repeatedly if there is anything I can do. There isn’t. Trust me.

Sincere in loathing you,

Dear weather,

I am glad the rain is helping my garden. I am glad Tennessee is so green and I know we need the water. But man, today is hard enough. Can I get a little sun to break the grey? Maybe keep the depressing rain to only the hours before the sun comes up? I swear I will have a massive attitude adjustment as soon as the sun is out again,

Desperate and serious,

Dear entire male species,

You are frustrating and confusing. Sometimes I believe you are quite dumb. It’s a good thing you are so cute because otherwise, I might swear off you forever.

Love but with a bullet,

Dear self,

Just get over it already. Over yourself and your bad attitude, everything. Right now. I’m sick of it.

Yours in sisterhood,

Yeah, it’s one of those days. I might have to haul myself to the park or the mall or something and lunch and inject a little cheer into my day. Also how do I manage to forget that sake hangovers are proof that there is lurking, primordial evil in the universe just waiting to swallow my soul? It’d be great if I could remember this before I drank a bunch of sake. This is probably not related to my mood today, but maybe!



Good Monday, people! It is sunny and lovely and not at all like yesterday’s Something Wicked This Way Comes weather. Hurrah!

Today the rest of my office gets the announcement that I am leaving. Uncomfortable. But then first thing this morning Annoying Co-worker told me that he’d been in over the weekend and tried to use my computer, but it wouldn’t work and he wanted to give me a head’s up, in case it was broken. The problem? It was turned off. And he couldn’t figure that out… Yeah, it’s time to go alright.

I am conflicted about this show, Spain…On the Road Again. Food! Spain! But, then Mario Batali? They couldn’t have found someone that I don’t find insufferable? I mean, yeah, I’ll watch anyway, but boo on Batali.


eat eat eat

I got up way way too early for a Saturday.  It’s not yet 9 and my laundry is done, and I’ve caught up on all my online reading and finally turned to the TV for entertainment until the rest of my household is awake and I can then be loud and all.

So what’s on TV early on Saturday? Jamie at Home. Oh. My. God.  I forgot just how much I love Jamie Oliver. He’s not even hot anymore and yet, he so totally is. And the food. THE FOOD.  I might go out today and buy al his cookbooks.  I mean, sure I’m not home in the evenings but soon I’ll have time during the day to cook, right?

I’m not a huge fan of sweets in general, sometimes I want chocolate, sure, and I rarely refuse anything with mint in it, but most deserts are too sweet or not interesting enough for me. But I swear, Jamie Oliver has never made a desert that I’d turn down.  This morning was Tray-Baked Meringue with Pears, Cream, Toasted Hazelnuts and Chocolate Sauce.    Watching him spoon the real whipped cream (with real vanilla beans) and the ginger chocolate sauce over the meringue?  Better than porn.  Oh!  Now he’s just made crepe thin omelets and sliced them up like noodles and made a salad out of them with prosciutto, baby greens and fennel.  I almost can’t bear to look at it, it looks soooooo good.

I haven’t thought about food much recently.  No, rather, I have thought about food often, and I have been making a concerted effort to eat better.  But cooking hasn’t been on my radar for a couple years.  Maybe it’s time to start again?


every which way but…

Today is teetering, quite precariously, on the edge. It could really go either way. I’m hoping for an excellent day (as one always should) but that does, perhaps too much, depend on the actions of others. If the day takes a down turn I except to be full of stabbity rage at having my delicate princessy feelings stomped on. Either way, I will probably be unbearable to be around, at least to my close friends.

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throwing down marbles in a field of stray boys

I love how when CDBaby send emails they are from “CD Baby loves [your name].” It makes me feel special. Ha! Marketing magic. Yes, I will buy more, because I know you love me, CDBaby!!

There does not seem to be enough coffee in the world for today.

I have a Dremel. DREMEL!!!! Now I need to get 528,437 Dremel attachments so I can do anything. Even though I bought it for a couple pretty specific applications. The possibilities of anything are nice to think about, thus I must acquire attachments.

I have a sort of vague hangover headache today. Only I haven’t had anything to drink since, um, Sunday. I have been taking a lot of ibuprofen for my shoulder, which seems to be helping and does make me a little high, so maybe it’s that. Most likely it’s my other bad choices, like my current decision to eat this peppermint patty instead of this apple.

I need a name for this blog. It’s bugging me. But I don’t know!!! I hate titling things. It’s too hard! I will probably change it a dozen times this week until I am satisfied.

Seriously, I need more coffee.

Or maybe a nap.

ETA: Blog titles so far-

Cracker Jack Heart

Um, hmmm, well…

I love you, don’t ever change

42 gallon of your favorite propane (a good sub-title though!)

dancing with Joey Ramone



Speaking of horoscopes, how is this for someone who just quit their job, while having only a half-formed plan:

Week beginning May 8
Copyright 2008 by Rob Brezsny

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Alison Covarrubias is a mentor for female entrepreneurs. Her “Ladies Who Launch” program inspires women to be brave and brazen as they develop their own businesses. One of Covarrubias’s prime pieces of advice: “If you don’t feel like you’re going to throw up, you’re not taking enough risks.” That’s also my message for you, Taurus. In the name of smart gambles and tricky success, I dare you to push yourself way out of the comfort zone.

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The internet is fixed.  The sink is not. Work was insane tonight, I got out an hour later than anticipated. I feel like bashing my head into wall, I’m so amped up and completely stressed. Just too many things going on, but a calm night at work would have been welcome.  Instead it was just crazy making. So packed I couldn’t even have a beer after to calm down. Augh.  Maybe I should go run around the block or something.

If I can get through May, everything will be awesome. Light at the end of the tunnel. Deep breaths.

Things that are good:

  • the girls in my household
  • planning my Seattle trip
  • my little sister coming to visit in July
  • spring weather finally consistently perfect
  • small presents from friends
  • tzatziki
  • amusing horoscopes