AJAX BELL

Author of the Queen City Boys books


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speak less, do less

Sometimes I feel like I just temporarily lose my words. I can’t write, can’t blog, can’t evenr eally talk to people about anything important. I try, but it feels forced and bizarre to me. I doubt other people notice, other than I seem quieter than usual. I’m not sure it’s part of my hormonal cycle, or if I’ve been too social, spoken too much and I need to gather everything up before I start again.

Mercury is in Retrograde which seems to be manifesting for me by defeating my projects in tiny ways. Int he last few days I’ve unable to find the thread and other pieces I need to finish projects, I’ve broken needles, discovered I have no replacements. I had my work schedule ramped back up. I feel like I am losing time. Fall is rushing in too quickly and I can’t get everything I want done.

Song for the day: The V-Roys – No Regrets (click to download)

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reptillian rapscallion

Dear little lizard,

I am sure you were as surprised to be found as I was to find you. Thank you for keeping my bathroom bug free for however long you’ve been in there. Trust me though, we are both happier with you now living out in the garden. Sorry about your tail. You’ll be fine though.

Love,

me

AUGH! Live lizards in the bathroom. Seriously I am not as bad a housekeeper as that makes it sound. And his poor little tail kept wriggling after it fell off. If I lived in Spain, or Mexico or some place more tropical I’d be down with keeping lizards in the house, but maybe not in Tennessee. Bleh.


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swing time

The song for today is “Kiss Me” by the Joiners (you can dl the whole album for free on their site).

The last couple days put me entirely into the fall mindset, however the weather still says late summer. I feel alternately unhinged and out of sorts, and even, normal and steady. It’s like swinging on an insanity pendulum. I do keep having these flashes, quick moments, when I can see my life from outside and it is the life I want. I mean having enough money to do more than just pay bills would be great. But overall it is clearly moving in the direction I want it too. I feel good about it. And wildly anxious. It’s uneven ’round here right now.

It is 222 days until my birthday.  Last night I dreamt I was with some people who were celebrating the day of my conception.  I think that was in Late August though.  Huh.

Is there some sort imaginary universe I can move to where I get paid to procrastinate? Because I’d be GREAT at that.


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180 degrees

I meant to post last night that I felt smart, beautiful, safe and able to do anything.  I just wanted to post to remember the moment of that feeling, even if it was fleeting.  Which it was.  This morning I feel anxiety-stricken and utterly unable to prioritize the billion things I think I need to be doing.


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pretty grey day

It’s nearly noon and already I want a nap.  I think I got a lot of sleep last night.  I don’t know.  I’m sure I went to be early but I am not clear on how early.  I only managed to read 5 pages of my book before I dropped it on my face, hurt my nose and decided t go to sleep.  I have been pretty productive today.  Maybe.  I mean if I look at my to-do list for the week, I’ve barely made a dent in it.  But I did a bunch of things that weren’t on the list.  Which I guess I should add to the list, so I can cross them off.

I was actually cold out when I got up this this morning. And by cold I mean, if I was back home, I’d still wear shorts, and maybe a hoodie, but here I’m all ack! Jeans!  Sweater!  Yikes!  It really is impending autumn outside, however.  I think I am happy about that.  I haven’t actually decided yet.


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the answer is no

Okay, enough with the awful dreams! Last night again being held hostage. This time by an old boyfriend. Ladybug was there too and we managed to escape when he went out to run an errand. Most of the dream was running down the street terrified, hoping we wouldn’t see him walking up the other way. We managed to make it to the subway station, and he was there. I was wearing a blue raincoat, with the hood up and I ducked my head when we passed him. Ladybug commented that it was amazing how much covering up my tattoos made me invisible. Finally we got to the opposite platform as him just as our train came so he couldn’t follow us though he did see us once we were over there. I am going to hope this was Jungian garbage dumping dream, sending out all the last vestiges of that relationship, because I am so over it (both the relationship and the bad dreams). I assume to hostage stuff was just carry over from the night before. Yuck yuck yuck.

I’ve been sleeping more lately. This, I guess, is good. Though I berate myself for getting up at 9 or 9:30 instead of 7:30 or 8. But really it’s okay. I mean I get home from work usually around 12:30 (or later) I need an hour or so to decompress before bed. Yes, yes, I will keep telling myself that it’s okay to sleep.

Nerdly: www.hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com

You need to view and read the source code on this one. And then click through to 3e.org to see the guy who made the page. I don’t why this all amuses me so much but it really really really does.