In the end this had no place it fit in This Charming Man. Flashback to Steven and Adrian’s first time crossing boundaries in their friendship. (NSFW for drug use and sex)
Adrian’s grip was tight on Steven’s wrist.
“We’re leaving,” Adrian announced, tugging Steven away from his dance partner.
Steven’s brow creased apologetically and he half waved to the black haired boy he’d been dancing with as Adrian dragged him off the dance floor.
“What’s up?” Steven asked as they hit the cool air outside the bar.
“I’m just done with Neighbours tonight. There’s no one new, no one interesting.” Adrian walked quickly to the corner, raising his arm to hail a cab that whipped by. Adrian craned his neck to look down the street and threw his arm up as another yellow car came into view.
“Where are we going?” Steven crawled into the back of the cab after Adrian.
“Bellevue and Mercer,” Adrian told the cab driver and leaned back into his seat, looking out the window, away from Steven.
“I guess we’re done for tonight then,” Steven said. Going home wasn’t terrible, though he was still kind of shifted from the MDA they’d taken earlier. And the boy he’d been dancing with had the fattest, softest looking lips Steven had seen in a long time. He’d been counting on those lips to help him wind down from the bit of cocaine he’d done in the bathroom with Adrian not too long ago. Jerking off in a hot shower appeared to be the answer now but it wasn’t so bad, at least there’d be no awkward promises to call, no sneaking out of someone else’s apartment in the morning.
Adrian hoped out of the cab as soon as it stopped at their intersection. Steven gave the driver a five and told him to keep the change and followed Adrian up the stairs. Adrian was already in his room when Steven made it into the apartment, the front door standing open waiting for his entrance. He went to his room, carefully untied his boots, and laid back on his bed. It wasn’t like Adrian to leave the club before closing and without a trick. But it wasn’t so unusual that Steven wanted to ask why. Adrian got bored, got annoyed or thought he had somewhere else to be, it was always the same.
Sitting up, Steven stripped off his sweaty shirt. A shower would be amazing right now and it was probably late enough that he wouldn’t have to fight for water pressure or temperature with the other tenants of the building.
“Come get your present,” Adrian called when Steven stepped out into the hallway.
In the living room, Adrian was bent over the coffee table, inhaling the second half of a rail of cocaine.
“Here,” he said, handing Steven the little glass straw.
“Are we going somewhere else?” Steven wouldn’t refuse, his body was humming enough from the last round that needed to chase the first round again, try and get back to the initial rush. But isn’t like Adrian to want to sit around the house and get high. Adrian was perpetual motion, he’d drive them both crazy just sitting here.
Steven sat on the couch, did the line then tipped his head back, sniffling, as the drip ran down his throat. He bolted upright when Adrian’s hand settled on his dick, fingers pressing at Steven’s balls, palm rubbing him hard.
“What the fuck, Ade?” Steven made a half-hearted attempt to push Adrian’s hand away, but Adrian held fast.
Leaning close in, Adrian’s breath was hot against Steven’s ear. “Don’t I always look out for you? Take care of you?”
Steven groaned, his cock stiffening against Adrian’s hand. Five years of friendship, of sharing an apartment, and this was finally happening.
“I know I took you away from a pretty boy with cocksucking lips, so I should make that up to you,” Adrian cooed, leaning in closer, licking a line up Steven’s neck.
Steven shuddered, helpless. He should say no, should stop this madness. The cocaine surging through his veins disagreed, but Steven struggled to sit up against the hand Adrian laid on his chest.
“What are you— Why, Ade?”
“I think you should pay me back, for all the times I’ve helped you, by helping me.” Adrian crawled into Steven’s lap, straddling his hips, but keeping his hand between them, on Steven’s growing erection. “Don’t I always look out for you? Take care of you? Don’t you want to fuck me?”
Adrian reached for Steven’s hand and put it between his own legs, letting Steven feel how hard Adrian already was. The cocaine was surely more responsible for that than anything Steven was doing, but Steven’s heart fluttered with excitement all the same.
He’d given up trying to get Adrian to touch him years ago. Sworn up and down to this friends that there was nothing with Adrian, that Steven felt nothing more than brotherly friendship after all these years. But it wasn’t true, it had never been true.
“This is such a bad idea,” Steven said, putting it back on Adrian to slow down. The possibility that Steven might resist disappeared as Adrian ground against him.
“C’mon,” Adrian said, bringing his face in dangerously close. “You aren’t just a regular trick. Aren’t we best friends? You can kiss me.”
Adrian’s lips pressed on Steven’s until Steven opened.
The kiss tore open the locked away feelings in Steven’s chest, and the MDA and cocaine pushed the hole wider, digging into it. Steven’s head spun with the rush of it as he fell into the kiss, dream like, uncontrolled, drifting down and unafraid.
The narrow couch barely constrained them as they tussled and tumbled, mouths and hands everywhere, hard and soft, bites and pinches, kisses and caresses. As they pulled each other’s jeans off and twisted for more contact, Steven tried to slow his breathing, slow the whole thing down, so he could remember every second of it, keep the details of their first time. But each new touch, new kiss was so distracting that rest fell away as Steven searched greedily for more. After the last wrestling kiss, Steven found himself on top, knees astride Adrian’s narrow hips.
Steven sat back, looking at Adrian beneath him, taking in his pale skin and paler hair. Adrian watched Steven, the blue of his eyes piercing into Steven’s soul.
Long dormant hope rushed through Steven. This was it, finally, they’d really be together. Adrian had finally noticed Steven’s worth.
“Is this— What do you want?” Steven asked, afraid he’d break the spell but unsure how far to push this new connection.
“Fuck me.” Adrian voice was hoarse, his eyes never left Steven’s. “Hard. Sooner rather than later.”
“On the table.”
Steven looked, following the movement of Adrian’s hand. There were condoms and lube on the table that Steven had missed in the surprise of the cocaine offer.
“Don’t be so sweet,” Adrian said, when Steven gently eased a slick finger into Adrian’s ass. “Just get it up there. Want you hard and now.”
Steven tried to control his shaking as he pushed his cock into the heated clutch of Adrian’s hole. All the way in he held still, falling down to his elbows to hold himself up, catching his breath as he let Adrian adjust to the breach. Adrian stroked his hands over Steven’s arms, his back, his neck, his hair. He pulled Steven’s mouth to his and kissed him deeply while thrusting his hips up in a demand that Steven move.
It was blackberries, right off the bramble, sun warm and bursting sweet. It was the first bright day of spring, blinding and sharp, but so welcome. A fever dream, so clear it must be true, but hazed with the idea that this couldn’t possibly be happening.
They pounded together, thrusting and bumping, Adrian demanding more and harder, Steven doing his best to comply. Time fluttered, rushing and slowing around them, this was always, this was the only thing Steven knew, had known, would know, until Adrian demanded again, “Come, come on, come inside me,” and bit down hard on Steven’s nipple, jolting sharp, too intense pleasure through Steven and then he was coming, heaving, barely able to breathe, to stand the rippling pleasure of it.
Steven caught himself, before letting his full weight fall on Adrian. Adrian’s hand jerked quickly between them, just for a second more before he was coming too, silently, his head thrown back, his throat the white of marble sculpture. Steven licked the length of it, tasting the bitterness of cocaine and the saltiness of sex on Adrian’s skin.
“You’re better than I expected. Bigger too,” Adrian said, reaching between them and gently squeezing the base of Steven’s cock, holding on the condom, while Steven slipped from Adrian’s body. “Heavier too.”
Steven rolled to the side, still dazed, crushing his body between Adrian’s and the back of the couch. He reached for Adrian, not waiting to let go, to lose what they had but Adrian’s hands came up between them, palms flat on Steven’s chest.
“You’re my dollbaby,” Adrian said, kindly, too sweetly, “always, you always will be, but you know I just love you like a brother, right? This isn’t a thing. I need to shower.” He kissed Steven’s forehead, tenderly, lingering so that Steven almost reached for him again, to try and pull him back down to a real kiss, but Adrian slipped away.
Steven sat up when he heard the bathroom door close. For a second he considered joining Adrian, trying for another round, convincing him how right they were together. But Steven knew, maybe had known the whole time, that it was too good to be true. Adrian had been clear from the beginning of their friendship that he wasn’t interested in Steven. This new line crossed didn’t change anything, except that Adrian knew how far Steven would go for him, that Steven would truly do anything to please him then they’d laugh it off, like a dirty joke.
You know I just love you like a brother… Steven didn’t have any brothers, though he was sure that brothers didn’t behave like this to each other.
Steven shoved back his crushing disappointment by snorting the last bit of cocaine left on the table. He stripped off the condom and threw it in the kitchen trash as he walked back to his bedroom.
Jeans back on, though he’d skipped a t-shirt and just pulled on a sweatshirt under his jacket, sneakers instead of his usual boots, Steven let himself out of the apartment and into the the dark night. He couldn’t face Adrian come out of the shower like everything was normal, like nothing important, life changing, heartbreaking, had just happened. Steven could walk far enough that he wouldn’t have to acknowledge what he already knew: he’d do it again if Adrian offered.
Sex with Adrian was like cocaine, the first rush of the night was fireworks supercharging Steven for glory. His veins whispered with it and promised pleasures and happiness beyond compare. But it wore away and sent him back for more, forever chasing that first rush but never flying that high again.
Convinced it was fine, friends with benefits was a thing. They’d always shared everything, this was just one more thing. A safe, friendly way to find release when no one else was good enough, pretty enough, sparkly enough. The morose loneliness Steven felt when Adrian left wasn’t much more than the regret he felt sometimes after masturbating, amplified.
Steven never told his friends about the arrangement he and Adrian had. If you could call hooking up every five or six weeks after a long night of drinking or getting high an arrangement. They just sort of fell into it on those nights. Not so much a pity fuck as a comfort fuck. And it belonged to them, only to them, so Steven saw no reason to share, to bring anyone else’s opinions or feelings into it.