AJAX BELL

Author of the Queen City Boys books

Category Archives: crankypants


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Not Enough Time to Be Lazy

I’ve been writing a book. Or rather, I’ve been writing a series a books, in fits and starts, in the few hours I can grab between doing this and doing that and pretending to be a responsible adult. I’ve got one close to done and many others started.  Right now I should be pouring through my recent edits and making a crap draft into a good working draft.  Instead I’m drinking chai, watching the rain and listening to the dryer.

Despite having not achieved much more than a long, long walk and few household chores yesterday, I am utterly wiped today. I feel like I’ve been beaten with sticks. Like I could sleep for a week. Hopefully the chai will clear my foggy head enough that I can intelligently string words together in some semblance of story of and character development.

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I want nothing more than to lounge in bed all day and read comics.  Okay maybe something more.  Maybe someone could prepare my food and bring it to me and rub my feet too?  I never think I’ve done terribly wrong with my life until I’m forced to confront my lack of houseboys to do my bidding, then suddenly my choices seem sinister and stupid.  I could have done better.  Sigh.


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I been missing you, hope you’re missing me

Wow, so yeah I haven’t really been blogging at all recently, huh? Maybe it’s time to start again.

I’ve been complaining lately to friends about how much I miss LiveJournal. The heyday of it anyway, since it still exists. Recently I’ve watched a lot of movies and TV that I want to squee with someone about.  I miss my old LJ community, a group wide, deep, and diverse enough that at least surely a couple people would be interested in talking to me about which Korean dramas I’m watching, about German pop-glamrock bands, about anime, and about why I might be the only person left who still enjoys Supernatural (do I enjoy it because I watch it in a void without fandom’s influence? I may never know).  But now I feel like I’m just shouting into the void or pestering my friends with things they don’t care about but indulge my babbling out of love (which is actually kind of awesome in it’s own way).

Lacking that community I’ve been trying to seek out folks I lost in the diaspora years ago. Looking the Tumblrs and the Twitters, poking around sites I last saw faces I recognized, but everyone has moved on to unknown fandoms, has changed their names, or otherwise I’ve forgotten how to recognize them.  Which is kind of sad, but won’t stop me from continuing to shout into the void.

So I’ve been watching Ouran High School Host Club (OMG Hitachiin twins!) in fits and starts, mostly when I work out.  Which it’s totally not conducive to working out because I find I’ve often slowed or stopped and am staring at the TV, slack jawed.  I mean really it’s like an entire anime made up of nothing but fanservice.  And layers of meta so deep you need hip waders to get through it.  Somehow despite how obvious it’s pandering is, it’s still gripping and smart enough that I actually care about all the characters.

I found this amazing academic paper, which didn’t tell me much I didn’t know about OuranHSHC, but it did prove that I made major misstep in my life by not going into a field where I got paid to teach and write about things like anime and manga.

Man, this show is so weird.  It gets as much right as it does wrong and I’m not sure you’d really enjoy it if you weren’t already familiar with anime and boy’s love manga. Or maybe you’d love it and be super disappointed when everything else didn’t turn out to be like the crazed, ridiculousness this anime is.  It’s on Netflix, subbed or dubbed, and I think everyone should watch it and come contemplate Mori-san’s love for Honey-sempai with me. We can talk about how every episode is more batshit crazy than the last. It’s just nuts. Nuts only my fangirl homegirls would really understand. If only I could find them all again.

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In which I tell you that Kalends are surely more dangerous than Ides

The Ides of March

The term Ides comes from the earliest Roman calendar, which is said to have been devised by Romulus, the mythical founder of Rome. Whether it was Romulus or not, the inventor of this calendar had a penchant for complexity. The Roman calendar organized its months around three days, each of which served as a reference point for counting the other days:

Kalends (1st day of the month)
Nones (the 7th day in March, May, July, and October; the 5th in the other months)
Ides (the 15th day in March, May, July, and October; the 13th in the other months)
The remaining, unnamed days of the month were identified by counting backwards from the Kalends, Nones, or the Ides. For example, March 3 would be Five Nones—5 days before the Nones (the Roman method of counting days was inclusive; in other words, the Nones would be counted as one of the 5 days).

Used in the first Roman calendar as well as in the Julian calendar (established by Julius Caesar in 45 B.C.E.) the confusing system of Kalends, Nones, and Ides continued to be used to varying degrees throughout the Middle Ages and into the Renaissance.

So, the Ides of March is just one of a dozen Ides that occur every month of the year. Kalends, the word from which calendar is derived, is another exotic-sounding term with a mundane meaning. Kalendrium means account book in Latin: Kalend, the first of the month, was in Roman times as it is now, the date on which bills are due.


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Busily sewing Lisettes

I’ve been working on several sewing projects at once, which kind of is and isn’t a good idea.  I am slowly sewing my way through every premutation of Simplicity’s Lisette 2211:

I started with a muslin, in some unlikely colored fabric I had sitting around:

I left off the sleeves and edged it in black bias tape.  The pattern calls for buttons on the faux placket detail, but I thought with this fabric it actually looked better without them.

Belted:

I’ve actually worn this a bunch.  Despite the fabric’s weird chartreuse coloring and pattern, it’s really comfortable and summery.  YAY!

I didn’t set out to make exactly the skirt on the envelope.  I’m trying not to buy fabric rather just sew with what I have on hand, and what I had looks just like the envelope:

This pattern runs really big.  I went down two sizes from what I originally cut in the skirt and I will probably have find a way to sneak some elastic into the back waistband or something to make it comfortably wearable.  The top has some nice details which are kind of lost in the fabric I picked:

I haven’t tried it yet, but I suspect the blouse will get some wear untucked and belted with jeans or something.  I just really love it’s funny little Art Nouveau print and care not all that it’s really too busy for this pattern.

I have the shift dress cut out from this pattern as well, in some grey cotton twill.  I’ve been having trouble deciding on a color to go on the collar/placket, as everything I’ve picked looks too matronly or too twee.  Hoping to finish it this week.

I have been working the long promised bird dress as well.  It’s nearly done, just needs hemming and finishing on the sleeves and neck.  However, I’ve decided to forgo the tie belt the pattern calls for and make my own self fabric belt with a buckle.  This will surely end up being more work than the whole dress, but hopefully it’ll be worth it.

This weekend I also made a little tunic out of a pretty remnant I got for a couple dollars:

I used Simplicity’s Cynthia Rowley 2586.  Holy cow, is there a lot of ease in this!  This is down two sizes from what my measurements said I should cut and I’ll probably take another 3 inches out of the side seams before I wear this out.  I’m really glad I muslined this.  My plan is to make a dress from it next and I would have been swimming in huge tent if I’d done that!

Last month’s wadder is still hanging around.  I’m thinking I might try and recut it into the Cynthia Rowley pattern.  Hopefully I can mange that with out confusing myself too much and destroying all the fabric.


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Things made and unmade

I’d show you pictures of sewing projects this weekend, but alas, there’s nothing to show.  Still working on the same dress I was working on last weekend.  I think so far I’ve ripped out more feet of stitches than I’ve successfully sewed.  Great for a patterned advertised as ‘One Hour.’  I’m about 6 hours into it right now.  As far as I can tell it’s going to look like a sack when I finish.  Still I persevere!  Maybe next weekend I’ll finish.

For your jolt of color, here is my new summer weight bedspread!  I tried to make curtains out of my previous summer weight bedspread, which I messed up so bad it basically became rags,  YAY ME! Luckily that meant getting a bright new one.  This is basically the weight of two sheets together, so total weight on me is an airy, breathable, nothing, but allows me to pull the covers up to my chin (as is my wont) even on hot, Southern summer nights!

My browsing for a new bedspread gave me this, which I now really want for when the weather gets cooler.  And of course I’d need this to hang in the bedroom.  It’s sweltering in Tennessee and I’m fantasizing about an autumnal, Moroccan interior design.  Of course then I’d need all new rugs.  And maybe a new lamp.  It seems unreasonable to think about this now, but I am seriously considering buying these things slowly over the summer and stockpiling them for a dramatic room transformation when fall comes.

I did manage to make a website this weekend for my friends, The Magnificent Others. Their album is going on sale soon and you should totally get it.  It’s rock n’roll for people who like rock n’roll, yeah?

Now it’s on to a week of work with hopefully a few short days that I can sneak something creative into, or maybe a festive fire in which I burn the simple dress that is taking me far too long to create!


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In which I read, so you don’t have too.

I feel like in any given week I vacillate between trying to finish all the half-watched series in my Netflix queue and to finish all the books, well, just all the books.  This week it’s books.  I spent all of Sunday finishing Justin Cronin’s The Passage.  Multiple fails on my part here.  I didn’t (as is my tendency) research the book at all.  So it’s probably safe to say that if I’d known it was the first in a trilogy and I ‘d known it was 800 pages long going in (it’s always hard to tell on a Kindle which is something they really should fix) I might have felt differently about the book.  But honestly it would have benefited from an editor able to make it 200 pages shorter.  But it wasn’t just my not knowing.  The author failed as well, I think.  The first 250 or so pages were amazing, excellent, well written and engaging.  And then I spent the rest of the book waiting for it to get good again.  Not only did it not get good again, it didn’t end (the trilogy thing).  Incredibly frustrating.  And I was perhaps so disappointed in the decline of the story as it went along that I doubt I’ll bother with the next 800 page bit he puts out, trilogy or no, I just don’t care enough now to even find out what happens.  Cronin’s writing is engaging enough that you keep turning pages, assuming the good part is just around the corner, but it never was.  And the characters in the second part of the book are flat and flaccid, not vibrant like those in the beginning.   For some satisfaction after I finished reading, I went and read a bunch of Amazon reviews and many folks felt the same way I did: starts strong, winds away into nothing.  And I kept pushing through in hopes of it improving, of some of the new characters turning out to be likable, but alas.  Fortunately I think I needed a restful day and now I’m done so I won’t waste any more days on that book and  can start a new one from the dozens in the ‘waiting to be read’ pile.  Or I guess that should read waiting to be read “pile,” since it’s all on my Kindle and not actually in a pile like we used to keep books in the olden days.

Yesterday I had a 45 minute wait in the doctor’s office I spent much of it with my eyes closed trying to remember the best parts of The Passage all that came to me was fleeting images of Colorado autumn, or what the walk to the Zoo in Memphis is like, or glasses of tea on hot summer, water beading on the sides.  So I’ll grant Mr. Cronin that he does an excellent job places descriptions and has a way with words, but now, a few days later, none of the characters have stuck with me at all.

After reading up on The Passage I fell down the Amazon rabbit hole and started reading customer reviews of the book I intend to read next.  Which is either brilliant and amazing, or dumb, confusing and derivative. So now do I want to read it so I can feel superior to the people who didn’t get that it was brilliant, or will I read it and wonder why I wasted my time? And this, my friends, is why I always go into book blind, or with a few words of rec from friend and not much more.

—

Because I’ve been sewing so many utilitarian, solid colored skirts I haven’t been posting pictures.  I mean you saw the one, right? The other look the same but better.  Basic staples.  I don’t need to show you pictures, in the same way I don’t give you the recipe when I make mashed potatoes.  Still I am doing stuff so here’s a quick shot of what’s currently half done on the sewing table:

Only the bodice is actually done, the ‘skirt’ here is just folded fabric.  It will be a kimono sleeve, empire waist summer dress when it’s done.  But look how pretty, the fabric!!  Wheee!


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Strange news from another land

I’m pretty sure anyone reading this knows that there is weirdness on the internet.  Indeed in the grey fringes of the net there be monsters the likes of which you should never click on.  And I suspect most of us stick to some regular circle of online places to visit, only occasionally straying out when someone offers a link of promised amusement.

I read a lot of sewing and fashion blogs.  It encourages me in my sewing, gives me ideas and tips and keeps me thinking about it when I’m not doing it.  But even in this tiny subculture there is much weirdness to be found.  Now in fairness, fashion is weird, or people try and make it weird, but sometimes it’s just incomprehensible to me.  And I don’t mean bizarre, haute couture, or strange high fashion you could never wear.  No, I mean things like Hel Looks.  As far as I can tell, this is a street wear fashion blog from Helsinki.  Like the Sartorialist or Urban Weeds.  But I can’t figure Hel Looks out.  Is it satire? Are Finnish people just so weird that they are actually parodies of their own stereotypes?  Yes the clothes displayed here are offbeat and funky, but not, in my opinion outside the range of actually normal for urban young folks.  However when I start reading their comments with the pictures I begin to feel as if I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole.

I know a lot of people. Hundreds of Americans I call friends or acquaintances, dozens of Europeans and a smattering of folks other places. I read a lot of news, a lot blogs and a lot of fiction.  I follow links on the internet, I eavesdrop on conversations, I pay attention to the way people talk, what they choose to talk about, and how they address other people.  And given all the data I have I’m just sure that no one, ever, when asked about fashion influences says, “I like German submarine officers, especially their caps and headphones.”  Or “I like to wear these trousers. Even my friends want to wear them.”

So either the world is much stranger place than I thought, something is wrong with Finnish people, or this is satire, right? Or maybe it’s surrealist art?

Finland is longer a country full of people in folk costumes or is it?


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the absence of desire is the end of suffering

(You may as well just this skip this incredibly whiny, self-involved venting about furniture shopping.  It even bores me.)

Okay, I’m nearly done being a drama queen about moving and furniture.  Seriously I’ve felt like the swoony scarf lady in the Gorey Mystery! intro or something for the last week.  Oh, whoa is me, couch shopping!  So terrible!  Pity and lament for me.  On the one hand, wah wah wah, my sad first world problems: I can’t find a thing to spend money on.  But on the other, I really do just want a nice, comfortable house and it shouldn’t be that hard.  After much personal torture in furniture stores looking for a couch I gave up all of my criteria except for ‘not ugly’ and ‘comfortable’ which led me back to the very first store and perhaps the second couch I sat on.   Bonus: it was also the least expensive of everything I looked at.  It is now neatly settled in the middle of my living room, just waiting for me to have time to enjoy it.  YAY COUCH!

However, progress isn’t really being made.  I also ordered some other furniture for the bedroom and the office area.  Which is now either dreadfully back ordered or discontinued, leaving me with my possessions still in boxes and a sense of displacement.

–I actually started writing this post a day or so ago, saved it to work on later and then had an exchange in email about furniture shopping with Talks to Owls, which I will just paste here as it sums up how I feel today:

I’m living out of boxes, I’m uncomfortable, I haven’t been in a place I feel comfortable in a long time, shopping makes me feel overwhelmed and like crying and something I HAVE to do instead of calmly regrouping at home and enjoying my life, which I can’t do because I’m living out of boxes. It’s circular and miserable. I just want the stuff to appear there. I don’t even give a s*** where it comes from or if it falls apart in a year and has to be replaced.

Plus the shelves have to be exact dimensions to fit into the spaces I have, so even if I spend hours roaming antique stores and thrifting and what ever, the chances that I’ll stumble on something that will be the thing that will fit seems unlikely.

So no, it isn’t fun, it isn’t a quest, and it isn’t leisurely.

That said, here’s the basic list of pieces I need to be able to unbox, if you stumble across something in your thrifting and antiquing you think would fill one of these gaps, feel free to point me to it: http://www.amazon.com/wishlist/CY3P41H7D6MX/

(In TTO’s defense, he didn’t deserve this email bitchfest, since all he’d done was comment on finding a better chair than the one on my Amazon list, however the chair is just a small piece of my problem, obviously.)

And of course since I’ve sat down and looked back at the list of things I still need to find, I feel overwhelmed again by the scope and cost of the whole thing. And then I’m additionally upset because it feels like the whole world is in turmoil.  North Africa is blowing up and I want to cry for the normal people caught in Libya’s civil war. Our own country seems to have declared war against the average working man and is tricking its citizens into punishing themselves by giving up all their power.  There is so much poverty and suffering in our own borders and so much hate and misdirected anger that it’s painful to turn on the news.  And here I am wound up and miserable because I can’t find easily and affordably find the furniture I want in the country that provides us the most options in shopping ever seen in history?


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Mostly politics, possibly best avoided


I didn’t watch or check any election returns last night.  I told myself in the car this morning that if Jerry Brown got elected in CA, I’d be okay.  Granted, I don’t live in CA, so it doesn’t effect me a lot.  But I paid attention to a lot of races this election season and that race really stuck out for me.  The reason wasn’t Whitman’s idiocy or her insane spending (although, I’m glad she didn’t buy her way in).  It was because Whitman kept saying that she loved the CA of 30 years ago and that’s the place she wanted.  And Brown?  Was smart enough to point out in a commercial, that HE was Governor 30 years ago and that the CA Whitman was holding up as amazing was his CA.  If Brown had lost after that, I’d have no faith in any voters.  Also I love the idea of him being both the youngest and oldest Gov CA’s had.

Ah, my coworker just told me that we’re all screwed.  That all paving and construction jobs will dry up entirely under Republican leadership.  I will never understand people.  Seriously.  Most my coworkers are very Right, very Republican (or Libertarian, at least).  If this is true, they are the ones who will lose their jobs.  They are (probably) the ones who keep voting this situation into being.

Things reverberating for me this morning:

From Wonkette.com:  Change is changing back. For too long, this nation has been PLAGUED by people who want to provide them health care and fix the economy. HEY, DEMOCRATS, WE WANT TO DIE OF HEART ATTACKS AND HAVE OUR ADVANCED SYSTEM OF BARTER DEVOLVE BACK INTO HUNTING AND GATHERING, THANK YOU. Democrats didn’t get this message, and the Teabaggers emerged from cashing their Social Security checks at The Scooter Store to tell them they don’t like government action when it’s put in motion by black people. It has been a long two years of Republicans refusing to let government happen and the Democratic Party giving into their fear of voters hating them.”

Stolen (without permission) from the FB status of the friend of a friend: “My grandmother hates rich people, but she always votes Republican because she is afraid the Democrats will take away her money and give it to poor people. She doesn’t seem to realize that, as a social security and Medicare recipient, she is the one Democrats are trying to give money to.”

I am overwhelmed with the desire to walk out and shout at Tennessee voters, “We are trying to HELP you.  Why do you keep defeating yourselves?”  And yet, it isn’t as dire as all that.  Wm. Clinton bounced back from his party losing control of Congress (or would have if they hadn’t ambushed him with his personal life–hope our current standing President has been faithful), and it wasn’t the overwhelming sweep everyone seemed to have predicted (although, at this writing I’ve read almost no news, so I could be wrong).

ETA:  Tiny Cat Pants and I are in agreement here.  The Dems in TN this election season were ABYSMAL.

And finally, I know better than to talk about politics publicly, so it’s back to sewing and stewing and huddling under a rock for me.  Love to all of you.  Even those who don’t agree with me.  Especially those who don’t agree with me.

Image: Jasper Johns, Flag, encaustic, oil and collage mounted on plywood, three panels, 1954-55 (dated on reverse 1954), (MoMA)


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perchance to dream

I am so overwhelmed by life right now that the word ‘overwhelmed’ doesn’t even really mean anything anymore.  It’s like ‘awesome,’ so overused that it’s impact has been reduced to uselessness. I wish I could tell you some big sweeping drama that’s tripping me up, but it’s really more like the minute patterns of my days.

About 14 or 15 months ago things started to go all wonky for me.  Since then each month has brought some new and hitherto un-thought of obstacle.  I have for more than a year been waiting for whichever thing it is to pass/complete/recover so that I can get on with every day life and making plans for the future.  And surely the cycle of unexpected things never ends, but it seems I’ve hit a lull.  I’ve weathered the oral surgeries; the long term separation from a loved one; the break up; the 500 year flood; the resulting work over load; the scalding, torturously hot summer; planning, moving and completely and totally rearranging my life, my plans and my future.  And I gotta say, ya’ll, I’m tired.  Like soul tired.  I want to relax and figure out if I even know anymore how to let go of anxiety and worry.  I want to read a book for hours on end, uninterrupted so I can reset myself  to creativity.  I want to remember how to think about designing and forming things with my own hands, simply creating things. I want to plan menus and buy groceries and quietly cook in my own kitchen.  I want to relax in my own personal (physical) space, unencumbered by outside demands on my time, my energy, my love and my mental peace.

At this point, I guess I just need to find a chair.  The right chair.  For the last few months, when I try and imagine this particular part of whatever thing it is now being over (mostly moving etc.), I close my eyes and I see a circle of light from a lamp over a comfortable place to sit and read or think or draw or sew or simply imagine goodness.  Moving has given me and Talk to Owls both space to stretch out and find calm again.  I been working (ugh, working, so over it in any context) to make this space my own, our own, simply someplace that is comfortable and safe and filled only with the things we need to live and create.  Still I lack this imaginary chair.  I can’t quite see it’s dimensions or design, but I know it’s out there. It is the next thing to strive for: completing a space of relaxation and a place in which to gather myself back together and get ready, be stronger for, the many more rounds of unexpectedness that life is sure to bring me.


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Day 37: Still Tuesday

Talks-to-Owls and I have agreed that this Tuesday never seems to end. It’s been about 37 days since we last had a day off of work.  Which makes every single day Tuesday.  In a regular week you can spend Monday reflecting on the past weekend, on Wednesday you’re halfway through, Thursday is almost Friday, and Friday is the end!  But Tuesday? Just another day with nothing great on either side of it.  So here I am having been through more than a month of Tuesdays, with half a dozen to a dozen more in front of me. Sure the bulk of it is behind me, but still, the light at the end of the tunnel is faint and seemingly far away.  I guess it won’t truly be bright until I actually have a solid end date. And that end date does depend on how fast my team can work, but it has many wobbly and unknowable outside factors creeping out of the tunnel shadows.

—

I work in the construction industry, in an office that was, until my arrival, mostly male.  I currently have a staff of 5 temps, all female, that are sitting in the larger shared office space that was, as stated, all male.  Overheard this morning (before the girls arrived):

S: Man, the ratio of boys to girls here is just so different you can’t even be yourself no more.
K: Better let one off before the girls get here.
S: T just did.
*I walk into the room laughing*
T: I ate daffodils for dinner last night.  It’s flowery when I let one off.
S: Farting honeysuckle everywhere you go, I knew you were that kind of guy.
T: Flowers and poppy seeds, that’s all I eat.

On the one hand, hilarious.  On the other hand, what does it even mean? I’ve been having weird Wizard of Oz field of poppies visions all morning because of that conversation leading to me to read more into it than I should and wonder what the underlying metaphors I missed were.  (The answer, none, no metaphors, just boys BSing.)

—

I have mentioned elsewhere that I am making a conscious decision NOT to boycott BP over the oil spill.  There are many reasons for this, the main one though is that the gas station I drive by every morning, my most convenient station, is a BP station.  I have been going there regularly for 4 years.  I know and like the people who own it.  I don’t want their livelihood to disappear just because they signed the “wrong” franchise agreement.  Honestly it could have been any oil company that caused this disaster and I do not want to see any more of the little guys get hurt.

(Southern Beale has written an excellent post on the kind of “punishment” that is fit for BP after this disaster.  Surely much more effective than a consumer boycott.)

Truly I ache for the fishermen, the people who live on those coasts and all the regular people who are so seriously impacted by this (we all are in the environmental sense, but the folks who might not pay bills right now because of it really weigh on me).  And it’s so wide reaching.  Like now BP might withhold dividends on stocks? Which would hurt British retirees whose retirement funds include BP stock.  How many more average people can BP fuck over with their greed and incompetence?

—

Here are some things I like:

Firefly lamp

Tom Robbins is weird

Synchronous fireflies

Banksy, especially his “Shop”

Blooming lamp

—

And my cousin and his wife had their first baby this week!!   Welcome Caleb James (who was clearly named after me, though that’s a joke that probably only my mom will get).  Weighing in at 9lbs and 4oz!  Hello big boy!  He’s healthy and home with mama, poppa and puppies.  HOORAY!  Here’s his “little” toes:


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where were you when the walls came down?

This used to be a road. Photo by Jeff Deason.

I was just reading about Vince Gill’s flood relief telethon and I thought, you know, I’ve always liked that guy.  Really he seems like a good guy.  And then I remembered seeing Keith Urban on TV the other day whining about ruined musical instruments and time out of his recording schedule and I thought, hey, f*** that guy. And it now occurs to me, um, where is everybody?  I mean this is a town FULL of celebrities.  You can’t throw a rock without hitting one. Right now I’m feeling like throwing rocks.  I mean, why isn’t every major teams’ star sports player on the news asking for help down here?  What about Miley Cyrus and Carrie Underwood? Kenny Chesney, I heard your house was damaged, are you now compelled to help others too?  Hey, John Rich, you have about seven life times of bad karma to make up already, maybe start paying back by helping out?

I mean, am I missing something?  I’ve barely heard a peep out of anyone that the world is usually listening too.  I feel like I’ve been glued to local media and combing national media as much as I have time for and I’m not seeing Hank Jr. or Brad Paisley stepping up to ask the world to notice our problems here. What gives? Jon Stewart seems to be more concerned about us than our own residents. I hope all the big country stars are giving generously and anonymously to the relief efforts, otherwise we really will have to re-build this city on rock and roll.  Branson can have country music, doesn’t seem to be doing us much good right now.

ETA: Thanks, Vince Gill, for making everyone come out.  Thanks, Taylor Swift, for giving 50x as much as TVA did. I have love for you and everyone else who donated to help people in my city.


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How I spent my winter vacation

Today was a do nothing day.  It snowed and snowed and snowed.  Tons of snow. Okay, well, a little snow in general, but a lot of snow for Nashville.  We just aren’t equipped or prepared for it this far south.  And it was a little layer of ice, a few inches of snow, more ice, more snow and a final topping of ice.  Suffice to say, given the opportunity (and a rare Saturday off work), I stayed in bed.

Which isn’t to say I did nothing.  I managed to some stuff.  I did dress up all warmly this morning to go clear the snow off the porch and steps (for the fourth time), only to discover that after the previous clearings there was nothing left but ice.  Am considering dumping a couple buckets of warm water down it tomorrow.

Since I had pants on already, I took a few pictures, just for the memories.  I confess, I just don’t like snow.  I get it, I mean, I know people like it.  They like snow sports and days off school and the sort of freedom to goof off that Americans get when it’s a rare or major snow.  But I don’t like it.  Yes, it is pretty when it’s freshly fallen.  Yes, it is quiet and pleasant for a romantic walk or an introspective one (if dressed properly).  Still, I don’t like it.  Sledding?  Cold, wet gross and mostly associated with getting snow down the back of my pants. Not fun.  Ditto snowball fights and snow angels. And, after the initial pretty snowfall, urban snow is just gross. Mashed up, dirty, trodden on and weirdly polluted.  Traffic is awful.  Especially in places like Tennessee where almost no one knows how to drive in it, and the few transplants who do either opt not too, or get too cocky and forget that all the other people on the road have no idea what they are doing.  I just don’t like it.  It makes me cranky, crotchety, bitter and unpleasant.

Um, oops, oh yes, I wasn’t ranting, I was detailing my day.  So I went outside.  Then I came back in and hunkered down with my laptop all day.  I installed all the software that had fallen by the wayside when I updated my OS.  I reinstalled all my fonts and lost some time to finding a few pretty new ones (I do love fonts).  I cleaned out my browser bookmarks (backed up first, of course).  5 years of bookmarks.  FIVE YEARS.  Whole folders of hundreds of links I hadn’t even looked at in 2 or 3 or more years.  There’s something oddly satisfying about doing that kind of clean up.  I tided a few folders on my computers.  Organized some photos.  Backed up everything on my external drive.  Managed to clear up 54 gigs of space on my laptop (a lot of stuff had gotten duplicated in the transfer after the OS upgrade, I guess).  Spent a little time tweaking things, as Windows 7 is easy and lovely and light but still new in some ways. I made to-do lists of other things I need to do (which I will start on as soon as I post this). I shopped for and purchased a new bedspread (mine is functional, and in decent shape, it’s just uncomfortable and I kind of hate it). It was a day of nothing and still something of a useful day of clearing up loose ends.

I also watched Twilight.  Now, I haven’t read the books and have no intention of it.  I have very clear idea of the plot through the whole series and I know why some people like it and why others don’t.  I’ve heard critiques of author and of the film.  The whole thing borders on a pop culture joke. Still, I was curious so I watched it.  I admit to liking some pretty lame movies.  I don’t expect my entertainment to always be highbrow or anything.  And overall, for what it was, this movie wasn’t that bad.  It was silly and very cheesy but could have been enjoyable.  However, Edward (or rather the actor playing him) really ruined it for me.  Wow, his BAD BAD BAD overacting and weird pained looks and just bizarreness in how he played the character.  It was painful.  And also, the movie was pretty beautiful in parts (enough to make me really homesick for the West Coast), but I’m unclear on the decision not to have shot it on the Olympic Peninsula, where it takes place.  I recognized a lot of the PNW locations they used (mostly in Oregon and south central Washington).  They were gorgeous locations, but they didn’t look like Forks.  Perhaps the choice was made because there isn’t much picturesque about Forks.  Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of good memories tied to Forks and the surrounding Reservation and forest land.  Just, you know, it doesn’t look anything like central Washington or Oregon.  And yes, it was a cheesy movie, but aside from Edward’s bad acting, what really pulled me out of it was not at all feeling  like where they filmed it looked right.  Like it was green and grey and wet in all the right ways, but it wasn’t the coast.  It lacked salt air or something. I suspect I’m a minority of viewers who would have such a problem.

I’m actually quite cheerful and pleased with my day, even though I suspect this post comes over all rantypants and insane.

Hi!  What did you all do with your Saturday?


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On the occasion of the full moon, I ramble on about nothing

I’m sitting around reading open tabs in my browser.  I often open things to read later, and then leave them open until I get to them.  Right now my open tabs list is at 36 tabs.  Time to read and close.  And of course tell you about a few of them.

The Situation 2010 is supposed to descend upon middle Tennessee tomorrow. If you believe all the TV news insanity we are supposed to have 1″ to 12″ of snow (most saying around 4″) and they announced around 5 pm today that they are closing Davidson (and surrounding) county schools.  This is the second time this year they’ve closed school at the threat of snow (last time it never even really snowed, I mean maybe 1″, maybe, if I’m being generous).  I am actually worried about it a lttle though.  Just because it supposed to rain, then ice storm, then snow.  Trifecta of weather badness.  Actually already considering walking to work.

How to cure hiccups.  I really need to remember this.

I am 100% behind re-using and repurposing almost anything.  I love seeing the creative ways other people up with to do this.  I read many blogs and websites about this exact concept.  I’m just convinced that an expensive print magazine is the right vehicle for this.  I mean, gee, it’s printed on recycled paper?  So?  Unless you are going to to reuse every single page of the magazine for something after you’ve read it, it seems like it’s somehow missing the entire point. (Hmmm, yeah, I could get behind it if each issue ended with a project that would reuse the whole magazine.)

Banana stickers.  Love.

NPR says I make bad choices because I have too much information in my head.  I’m not actually convinced however it’s an excellent excuse to go get another cookie.

London’s Unpackaged market.  I’m very interested in this.  Packaging really angers me.  Not, I guess to the point that I stop buying things.  But why do new jeans need nince tags on them?  Why does toothpaste come in a box?  Why do those stupid hardshell plastic packages exist at all? (I know the answer to most of those questions is: to make shipping easier.)  But I really don’t like it.  It seems so overly prevalent.  I have confused many a store clerk by saying I don’t want a bag, and when they give me one anyway, I remove my two items from it and carry them out in my hands.  And yes I do often foget my huge stack of reuseable grocery bags and have to get more bags.  I’m not perfect.  But I’m mad at myself when I forget.  I’m angry when I purchase something and I have to throw away plastic wrap, a box, an inner plastic casing and/or assorted other junk included for my “protection” or to make shipping easier.  And I do agree with some of the commenters in the link above that it’s BS to have overpriced, trendy urban markets that are “hip” that are basically doing what regular/farmer’s markets do in all corners of the world.  On the other hand, if one was near me, I’d shop at it.  I also occasionally consider moving somewhere where there isn’t much packaging and just shopping at street markets.

—

Today’s picture I took in Oct 2005.  While hiking in the Pyrenees we crossed an 800 year old bridge and looked down onto this scene.  I love Catalonia.


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Expensive cures for insomniacs

13w_shot3l

I’m watching Kingdom of Heaven.  Kind of.  This the 4th or 5th time I’ve tried to watch this movie.  Once again, I’m not paying enough attention to know exactly what’s going on.  Because the movie is so incredibly boring.  SO BORING.  I just don’t know how you can take story like this, in such an interesting time period, in such a gorgeous setting and make a complete snoozefest out of it.  I so wanted to love this movie.  And let me tell you, I enjoyed the incredibly awful Clive Owen King Arthur movie.  I love The 13th Warrior.  But KoH isn’t so much unwatchable as it’s just so boring that your mind wanders, even in battle scenes.  Troy and Alexander also suffer from this problem.   What is wrong with movie makers today that they can’t even make a good story out of an already good story?  It almost feels like an intentional joke, like these renowned director’s got together and made bets as to who could take an epic story, get an all-star cast, spend insane amounts of money and make the most interminable movies ever.

Image is from The 13th Warrior which I should be watching instead of this dreck.


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What (not) to wear

edwardian_bouse_apron
Did I talk already about the Nine West Vintage America Collection?  It’s been rolling out slowly but I think all the pieces are available now.  I can’t remember where I heard about it originally, but I recall the description sounding like a line of clothes and shoes I would really love to wear.  I’m actually pretty disappointed in it over all.  I love the flats: Coby and Cambric (especially in the green and wine respectively).  And the Fiddle boots are fantastic.  The tops and jeans are exceptionally uninspired.  I mean sure I’d wear them, but only if I found them at a thrift store for under $5.  Definitely not things I’d buy new or bother to try and make.

Since I started sewing again I’ve been thinking a lot about clothes.  I own way more clothing than one person needs.  I’ve been meditating for a long time on trimming down my wardrobe to essentials.  I’ve been slowly working on this.  For every item of clothing I buy, I have to get rid of two similar items (this doesn’t count for things I sew myself).  I’ve tried hard to imagine what few, fabulous, well constructed necessities I’d need.

The idea of a vintage Americana line of clothing really appeals to me.  I’m all over the place in what I wear.  If I even have a defined style it’s definitely all my own because I take stuff from all eras and looks.  I’m not even sure I would want to wear just a vintage Americana collection, but I would love to design one.  Ever since I saw the Nine West collection I’ve been  imagining what would be in mine.  A pair or two of jeans, I guess.  A couple pairs of vintage looking cowboy boots. Old fashioned looking blouses (like this and this and this).  1950s-ish sundresses.  Cardigans.  A decent denim jacket with nothing fancy about it and good pockets.  Librarian-y shirtdresses in interesting non-floral prints.  A-line skirts in nifty border prints.  1930 and 1940s styled dress shoes.  Comfortable t-shirts cut for women out of soft cottons.  Practical, well sized handbags in elaborately tooled leather.

I have to give this more thought.  I’m half tempted to start a scrapbook or something to keep track of this idea.  Not that it hasn’t been done, or that I am going to revolutionize anything.  I don’t even have the sewing skills to make half this stuff.  But I like thinking about it.


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rainy days and Tuesdays

If is wasn't raining, I'd like to walking here right now.

The picture of the day yesterday on Bing.com was of Spain.  Anthony Bourdain’s episode yesterday was in Spain.  When I went to the library to pick up my holds, besides Victoria & Albert I also got When the Moors Ruled in Europe and Moorish Spain.   Obviously some of this I chose, but some just happened.  I’m sure the universe is trying to tell me to continue my studies and get my butt to Spain.

While watching TV yesterday I saw a lot of commercials for reality shows.  Most of these shows hold no interest for me whatsoever, but now I’m even more offended after seeing little bits of them.  I deal with enough assholes in every day life (one is too many really), why would I want to watch people on TV being horrible to other people?

Most of my sewing today isn’t turning out quite as I’d hoped.  I think I’m going to go ahead and iron and cut out mynext couple projects and then just leave off for a bit.

Tomorrow is a big dentist day (getting fitted for the bridge–which involves grinding some teeth down) and I’m trying not to think about it, but I”m pretty sure it’s the source of my anxiety and dissatisfaction today.  Ugh.


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the weather outside is weather

We had a super warm spring in Tennessee. And so far a hot, but decently wet summer. At least until the last week or so when it has blissfully cooled off. Apparently all of this is very bad for the tomatoes. So last year it was too dry and now we’ve got hot and wet and that isn’t good either?  I’m selfishly sad because Tennessee has some of the best tomatoes I’ve ever eaten.  I don’t want a no tomato summer. And what will happen at the tomato festival if there are no tomatoes?    It’s too tragic to even dwell on.

I have complained before that on the whole Nashville seems to be at least ten years behind the rest of the country in technology.  It’s not that hard to figure out, people.  A bad website isn’t less expensive than a good one.  AUGH!!  This rant brought to you another bad website that doesn’t work.  A sewing school I’d like to take classes at has a site.  You can read about the classes, the school and the teacher.  The schedule link is hosed.  The ‘contact us/directions/address’ link is completely broken.  I can not call or email them.  I can not get a schedule.  All I can do is see that they offer the class I want.  Brilliant.

Also I can’t help but wonder if this societal habit of reading the news over our morning coffee has made us all more unhappy than we otherwise would be.  I started my day with great news (my cousin had a baby!  Mama and baby both doing fine despite some complications!) and then I read the news and now I am grumpy again.

I did have marionberry jam on my toast this morning.  It was delicious, even if my grandpa did’t make it.

The cooler weather remains in Tennessee.  I have to say, it’s fantastic.  Maybe to day I will wear the dress I finished sewing yesterday to celebrate.  Hmm, I should take pictures of it too.  And with that, I’m off, out in to the world.


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it’s the things we leave behind

It has been PAUL week at our house.  We didn’t plan it (though we did tip the scales in our favor), but we have been watching almost nothing but Paul Bettany and Paul Rudd movies.  So I’m sitting here, finishing up somethings from the day, thinking about going to read in bed until I pass out.  And I idly check the TV listings and, oh look, another Paul Bettany movie, Firewall, which I haven’t seen.  Clearly the universe wants us to have Pauls.

I have cleaned out my closet.  Only have shoes and jewelry left to sort.  This is part of my life simplification plan.  And also, seriously, I just have way too much shit.  Shit I don’t need, shit that makes me feels weighted and in some ways makes my life harder than I need it to to be.  So I am cleaning an sorting.  And even after this round of cleaning out I still have way too much stuff. Before MOPMD left for Europe he whittled his possesions down to (I believe) four suitcases (might even have been three) and two cardboard boxes.  Now I don’t aspire to that level of minimalism, but man, it must be really freeing to have so little stuff. Zen levels of relaxing.  The absence of desire is the end of suffering. And, apparently, the absence of stuff is the end of caring about, uh, stuff.

This morning I got a massage, courtesy my friends, T&R, and it was fantastic. Tomorrow I go to the dentist (again), this time to see how the tooth extraction site is healing, to check the health and stability of the rest of my teeth and to start the process for getting my permanent replacement tooth.  I’ve decided (after much research) on a bonded resin bridge.  Implants are completely horrifying to me (I couldn’t even read about them without shuddering in horror) and a traditional bridge is more invasive than I think is necessary.  I’m not 100% sure my dentist will do this for me, but there are other dentists.  Hopefully I won’t have to shop around for it though, as I do like my dentist and I’d like to get through all this as quickly as possible.  The flipper appliance has been okay, in the sense I can talk to people without feeling awkward about the gap in my mouth, but I’ve never gotten the hang of eating with it in and really, I just don’t like the feeling of it in my mouth.  I’d like to get back to as close to normal as soon as possible.  I am hoping the appointment tomorrow goes okay and doesn’t undo all the good work my massage did this morning.  I probably should have scheduled the appointments in the reverse order.

(Wow, Paul Bettany looks kind of creepy in this movie or rather, he just shouldn’t have his hair like that.  And yet his voice make my knees a little weak.  Man, I could listen to him read the phone book.)


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seemingly unconnected

Hot.  Just roughly ten days of over 95°F and night time low temps of 79°F.  Daytime heat index has been over 100°F.  I’m not complaining exactly, especially since it’s spposed to break tonight.  At least for a few days.  I’m looking forward to that.  But it’s the kind fo heat that wears you down and I’ve already had so much going on, all the kind of stuff that wears your soul down and the heat just is making things worse, you know?

Also, PNW people, I know when I lived out west I said that poeple here didn’t understand that when it was hot in the PNW it was worse because weren’t used to it and no one had AC.  I take it back.  Sereiously.  It’s hotter here, even with AC, and harder to bear.  I am saying this, only because I am here.  If I was there and it was hot like this, I’d probably go back to my original opinion. 🙂  I reserve the right to change my mind as often as I like.

And, I’ve said before, the weather in this part of the country still baffles me.  I understand Seattle weather, how it lies between the mountains, how the clouds catch, why it rains, where the wind comes from, etc.  In Tennessee things just don’t happen in way that seems normal to me.  Cloud cover and night time don’t cool tempratures down.  The hottest part of the day is at the wrong time and somewhat variable.  Temps can drop, like they are right now, at 4 pm, on a clear and sunny day, for no reason other than a different weather system is coming in, unhindered by mountains and unchanged by oceans.  I mean, I guess I understand it, it just feels so alien to me.

—

“Nonsense.  Name a shrub after me.  Something prickly and hard to eradicate.”

*SIGH*  Oh Jack and Stephen, I love you so much.

So, uh, Im sitting here, reading some pretty hard science fiction and simultaneously watching Master and Commander.  And suddenly I’m wishing the future was even more now.  Where are my full text searchable databases of all the literature in the world?  I have an impulsive desire to go look a specific line in the third book of O’Brian’s Aubrey-Maturin series (which is listed in some Amazon entries as “Aubrey/Maturin” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) when I realize, oh, I don’t have any of those books here.  And it’s too late on Sunday afternoon for me to go to the library.  I suppose I could find an open Border’s books or something and look it up there, but that would mean putting on pants and brushing my hair.  Too much effort.  And in the other book I’m currently reading the tech allows almost anything to be searchable.  And so here I am wishing for full text searchable databases of all literature.

When I was in college people acted like librarians would soon be an extinct thing of the past.  Presumably because we’d all have these imaginary databases.  I said, no in my lifetime.  Tragically, it looks like I was right.  Come on, technology, catch up!!

—

Normalcy begins tomorrow.  I’ve been a wreck and I have no real desire to talk about why.  I’ve been wavering in pattern of taking a day to try and equalize and recover myself, starting to regroup the next day and then either I do something to fuck up or some outside force interfers and I stumble and try again to take a day to recover myself and the cycle begins again, lather, rinse, repeat.  Can’t go on forever and I’ve been seeing land on the horizon for a while.  Land fall is tomorrow and so the rolling, tide-like cycle can end.  Sorry for the nautical metaphors.  The hazards of the combination of the book I’m reading and the movie I’m watching right now.

Wednesday is the next of the big dental apointments.  And while th end is in sight, it’s still pretty far away.  I reserve the right to still have an emotional meltdown after each apointment.  I’ll probably come out of all of this needing therapy just to go into a dentist’s office again.  Or maybe I’ll take my mom’s advice and take valium before the appointments.  Not to be all drama queen or anything but the whole dental episode is still damn upsetting.  I am very glad to have friends around.  Everyone’s been very good to me and hopefully will continue to be even as I am prickly and unpleasent.

And all that said, I would give a lot, a whole lot to spend five days or a week alone at the beach when this is all over.

—

Crackjack Sister gets here tomorrow.  I can recuperate and be touristy and half-way vacation at the same time.  Having family here is the best because I never have to explain how I feel or why I’d do something a certain way.  No, that’s not explaining it right. Suffice to say, I’m looking forward to relaxing with my sister.  Sometimes there are Monday’s to look forward too.