I had a very long detailed dream about high school last night. I dreamt I went back to visit with another former classmate (who also lives in TN and doesn’t actually exist in real life), and everyone who had attended the school while I was there was also visiting. I saw all my classmates and old teachers (they looked very old in my dream, but were all teaching the same classes). Then we went to watch the school production of West Side Story and I talked to all the new students about how they liked it. It was very intense on details, like the conversations with old classmates and teachers were very spot on and filled with details of those teachers that I haven’t thought about in years. It’s hard to believe that high school was fully half my life ago.
And upon waking I realized that my birthday is two weeks away. I haven’t done my usual 30 (or 60) day countdown to the event this year. Truthfully, I just feel kind of meh about it. I have low expectations, so it’s not like I’ll be disappointed or anything. It’s more about just being older. Not that I am old by any stretch, rather this birthday seems like a marker and by my own measure I haven’t yet achieved what I feel I should have by this marker. It’s just kind of depressing. Blah.
I assume I am somehow projecting this blahness I feel because recently a couple friends have asked if I’m okay in way that seems to indicate they have reason to be concerned. I was pretty sure that to all outside appearences I am as I always am (sort of an amalgam of cheerful, chipper, pissed off, tired, friendly and ice princessy–yes, I am a contradiction), but maybe not? Maybe everyone is very concerned about me for reasons I don’t even know? Maybe I need more coffee before I try and think/explain things like this?
In conclusion, I think posting a link the other day wasn’t enough, so just in case you missed it (or didn’t), here is the lovely toddler fairy dress again:
Is it wrong that I wish I could wear little yellow sundresses with fairies on them? I mean, I could, I guess, I’d just look very eccentric. Now I will get on with my day thnking about daffodil dresses, fairies and sunshine, even if there is no sun shining in Nashville today (damn it all too, blue skies would go a long way to cheering me up).