AJAX BELL

Author of the Queen City Boys books

the order of things

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So I’m sitting here, completely unmotivated. I was just reading another blog and started thinking of blogging as motivation.  I’ve talked about that here before but my follow through has been pretty lax. Right now I need to order myself.  Lately it seems like I spend a lot time worrying about how I am going to order my thoughts and mentally (but not practically planning things). I can’t seem to rally become my own stern task master.  And it isn’t a question of lack of things to or laziness.  I’m simply overwhelmed.  I know I need to sit down and list my main projects, separate them out, list the tasks for each one and prioritize those.  Theoretically I can manage this is a couple hours. And yet, in my head it is just a swirling, violently colorful, very intimidating mass of WORK.  I’m not scared of work.  Just at this point I fear it might crush, or entirely engulf, me.  So instead I’m grabbing at the tasks I can see around the edges of this mass, and doing them, piecemeal, and not in an entirely satisfying way.  And I am certainly doing nothing to organize the chaos.

Wow, I set down thinking if started writing about this that I’d somehow instantly find direction.  Instead I’m more anxious than I was before.  Arg.  Maybe I’ll just stop and go start making lists.  Or maybe I’ll listen to the music Rhi sent me.  Perhaps there is inspiration to be found there.

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