So I’m sitting here, completely unmotivated. I was just reading another blog and started thinking of blogging as motivation. I’ve talked about that here before but my follow through has been pretty lax. Right now I need to order myself. Lately it seems like I spend a lot time worrying about how I am going to order my thoughts and mentally (but not practically planning things). I can’t seem to rally become my own stern task master. And it isn’t a question of lack of things to or laziness. I’m simply overwhelmed. I know I need to sit down and list my main projects, separate them out, list the tasks for each one and prioritize those. Theoretically I can manage this is a couple hours. And yet, in my head it is just a swirling, violently colorful, very intimidating mass of WORK. I’m not scared of work. Just at this point I fear it might crush, or entirely engulf, me. So instead I’m grabbing at the tasks I can see around the edges of this mass, and doing them, piecemeal, and not in an entirely satisfying way. And I am certainly doing nothing to organize the chaos.
Wow, I set down thinking if started writing about this that I’d somehow instantly find direction. Instead I’m more anxious than I was before. Arg. Maybe I’ll just stop and go start making lists. Or maybe I’ll listen to the music Rhi sent me. Perhaps there is inspiration to be found there.