Author of the Queen City Boys books

the order of things

Leave a comment

So I’m sitting here, completely unmotivated. I was just reading another blog and started thinking of blogging as motivation.  I’ve talked about that here before but my follow through has been pretty lax. Right now I need to order myself.  Lately it seems like I spend a lot time worrying about how I am going to order my thoughts and mentally (but not practically planning things). I can’t seem to rally become my own stern task master.  And it isn’t a question of lack of things to or laziness.  I’m simply overwhelmed.  I know I need to sit down and list my main projects, separate them out, list the tasks for each one and prioritize those.  Theoretically I can manage this is a couple hours. And yet, in my head it is just a swirling, violently colorful, very intimidating mass of WORK.  I’m not scared of work.  Just at this point I fear it might crush, or entirely engulf, me.  So instead I’m grabbing at the tasks I can see around the edges of this mass, and doing them, piecemeal, and not in an entirely satisfying way.  And I am certainly doing nothing to organize the chaos.

Wow, I set down thinking if started writing about this that I’d somehow instantly find direction.  Instead I’m more anxious than I was before.  Arg.  Maybe I’ll just stop and go start making lists.  Or maybe I’ll listen to the music Rhi sent me.  Perhaps there is inspiration to be found there.

Author: Ajax Bell

Seattle author. Stops to smell the flowers. Amateur nerd (I wanna go pro but I haven't found anyone to pay me). Humble hippo enthusiast. queer/bi. they/them.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.