AJAX BELL

Author of the Queen City Boys books

open letters, no need for answers

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Dear Obnoxious Fucking Work Client,

If I say I will call you as soon as I have the information, then I will call you. Do not call me every 15 minutes asking if I know anything yet.

no love,

me

Dear OFWC#2,

Yes, the website is down. No, I can’t do anything about it but call our web guy. I can not call our web guy if you keep me on the phone asking repeatedly if there is anything I can do. There isn’t. Trust me.

Sincere in loathing you,
me

Dear weather,

I am glad the rain is helping my garden. I am glad Tennessee is so green and I know we need the water. But man, today is hard enough. Can I get a little sun to break the grey? Maybe keep the depressing rain to only the hours before the sun comes up? I swear I will have a massive attitude adjustment as soon as the sun is out again,

Desperate and serious,
me

Dear entire male species,

You are frustrating and confusing. Sometimes I believe you are quite dumb. It’s a good thing you are so cute because otherwise, I might swear off you forever.

Love but with a bullet,
me

Dear self,

Just get over it already. Over yourself and your bad attitude, everything. Right now. I’m sick of it.

Yours in sisterhood,
me

Yeah, it’s one of those days. I might have to haul myself to the park or the mall or something and lunch and inject a little cheer into my day. Also how do I manage to forget that sake hangovers are proof that there is lurking, primordial evil in the universe just waiting to swallow my soul? It’d be great if I could remember this before I drank a bunch of sake. This is probably not related to my mood today, but maybe!

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