AJAX BELL

Author of the Queen City Boys books

spectacularly whiny

6 Comments

I’m really, really not okay today. I feel like I might just break down at any second. I can’t tell yet if it will be shrieking, enraged, temper tantrum type break down, or a more of a collapsing, oh-god-I-can’t-deal kind of break down. I do, however, totally see tears by the end of the day.

Work has heaped a huge amount shit on me, in addition to my regular job. They are providing me with no support for getting the extra work done and, in fact, most of it can’t be done until I get necessary information from other coworkers. For some reason I’m clinging to a need to meet my deadlines and do a good job rather than just saying saying “fuck it, it’s not my problem.” And you know, it’s not my problem. Not. Not. Not.

So why can’t I let it go? I really need to do better at letting things go.

I know part of my problem today is that I’m just fucking exhausted, emotionally drained, completely burnt out. If I could go to a cabin in the mountains or at the beach, utterly alone and isolated for a few days I’m sure I’d be fine. But sadly that isn’t an option. Instead I’ll just, uh, continue to go crazy? I don’t know. I’m not sure how I can make it through work the next few days and not have to talk to anyone. I’m actually considering checking my schedule and calling in sick to work at the day job the next time I have a night off work and spending the single day locked in my room with out my cell phone or anything.

I am so fucking scattered. I’m concurrently working four separate work-work projects, I have three notepad windows open on my desk with three different blog posts partially composed in each one, I’m trying to read and answer dozens of back logged emails (both work and personal) and surfing the web for some info on some music and history things I’ve been thinking about. I’m not getting very much done on anything, since I’m bouncing around like fucking Tigger on crack.

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6 thoughts on “spectacularly whiny

  1. I love you. Hang in there. *HUGS LIKE CRAZY*

  2. If it helps at all, you’re definitely not the only one feeling this way. I have 14 active projects at work, and I watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants last night just so I could cry and get it over with. I’m not sure it helped, but I am at least at work today instead of in bed with the covers over my head. Having clueless coworkers also seems to be a theme, as the two I work with seem unable to do much of anything w/out close supervision. AHHHH!

    *helps you build a virtual cabana on a hurricane-free beach* Maybe we should set up a time share schedule. *muses*

    *smooch* I am thinking of you and hoping you make it through the day intact!

  3. Oh, honey. I’ve read several posts like this in the past few days, and I concur. Even though it felt to me like things finally shifted a little on Friday night, it’s exhausting.

    Take a mental health day or two. Call in “well.” Do things that feed you, even if that’s locking yourself away and reading. If you can’t escape right away, go for short walks outside during “restroom” breaks, look out the window as frequently as possible, change your computer wallpaper to something that feeds your soul.

    Just a few more hours today…

  4. ::hugs you tight::

    Taking a mental health day isn’t such a bad idea, if you can. Call in sick, and do whatever you want, even if it’s just sleep all day. Or surf the Internet. Or take a walk with your ipod on and not talk to anybody for a day.

    mwah.

  5. Ouch. Take that mental health day for yourself. Days like that are awful.

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