I’m really, really not okay today. I feel like I might just break down at any second. I can’t tell yet if it will be shrieking, enraged, temper tantrum type break down, or a more of a collapsing, oh-god-I-can’t-deal kind of break down. I do, however, totally see tears by the end of the day.
Work has heaped a huge amount shit on me, in addition to my regular job. They are providing me with no support for getting the extra work done and, in fact, most of it can’t be done until I get necessary information from other coworkers. For some reason I’m clinging to a need to meet my deadlines and do a good job rather than just saying saying “fuck it, it’s not my problem.” And you know, it’s not my problem. Not. Not. Not.
So why can’t I let it go? I really need to do better at letting things go.
I know part of my problem today is that I’m just fucking exhausted, emotionally drained, completely burnt out. If I could go to a cabin in the mountains or at the beach, utterly alone and isolated for a few days I’m sure I’d be fine. But sadly that isn’t an option. Instead I’ll just, uh, continue to go crazy? I don’t know. I’m not sure how I can make it through work the next few days and not have to talk to anyone. I’m actually considering checking my schedule and calling in sick to work at the day job the next time I have a night off work and spending the single day locked in my room with out my cell phone or anything.
I am so fucking scattered. I’m concurrently working four separate work-work projects, I have three notepad windows open on my desk with three different blog posts partially composed in each one, I’m trying to read and answer dozens of back logged emails (both work and personal) and surfing the web for some info on some music and history things I’ve been thinking about. I’m not getting very much done on anything, since I’m bouncing around like fucking Tigger on crack.