Author of the Queen City Boys books


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Drown – Nicole Blackman

I am sick with this

his scent swims around me
like a perfume too heavy for summer
me, lost thing
curled within him
drowning over and over

charmed disarmed
he comes when least expected
sits too close
lingers too long
stares too deeply
and claims me with something I cannot name

lightheaded and clean
this is a gift
biting tongue until blood
I am sick with him

talk goes no deeper than tonight
words are tickets to spend time
skin is talking to skin

I know not to go too deep
but when his hands stop
tremble, temptation
I thrill back
open up
crawl walls

this woman is no man’s
this man is no one’s
this one is mine

in a full room, alone on a couch
he is throned
doesn’t move
knows I will come


it vibrates
makes drinks tremble
food wastes time
cigarettes are for curling smoke
and drawing me in

this is bloody business

guilt makes for poor postcards
so he comes in for a while
what do we know of this?

doesn’t know if he’ll be allowed to stay
but he looks a while too long
and stirs the close air
dragging me to the bottom of the lake

couches are for excuses
and temptation
crushed in too deep to breathe
swoon again skin you do not know
with hands that know too much
of what you must never say

flesh to curl to grind
to feign sleep to balance wishes
on tongues and wait for the time

cozy he calls me
says I smell like sweet cream
closed eyes bring on a luscious film
of time and silence

he tastes like stars
he feels like thunder

regret makes you bitter
he says
come in and swim

we disappear into a dusk
we’ll never own
and never quite shake

a luscious slice
of water
lack of sleep makes me drift
lake of sleep makes me wonder


he will exist
he will evaporate
I am sick with him, gone

in regret dreams he is low and sweet
dark like a drift storm
holding me down under the waves
telling me not to talk
not to move
this will only take an hour
or two

Author: Ajax Bell

Seattle author. Stops to smell the flowers. Amateur nerd (I wanna go pro but I haven't found anyone to pay me). Humble hippo enthusiast. queer/bi. they/them.

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