Author of the Queen City Boys books

She was a damn good dancer, but she wasn’t all that great of a girlfriend


I don’t have anything coherent to say. I have a job, so that’s good. Part-time doing, uh, things. I’m grossly underemployed but it’s a pretty good gig for me right now. I think my job title is “girl Friday” and basically I’m just helping some eccentric guy get his business in order. And meeting many weird people in the process. But the work isn’t exactly exciting. The high point of my day was giving a jump to a really hot guy who came into our store. And by that I mean, um, jumper cables and car batteries. Mostly I liked being tough enough to do it, even when dressed like a good Christian bookkeeper. Of course the way the boy smiled at me might have had something do with it.

Speaking of, today I’m using my non-existent Envoy training to put things together. (Um, like two of you get that reference.) Anyway, it’s a lot of pieces coming from different places that haven’t quite gelled in my head. It’s about relations between genders. Boys and girls in America as it were. It started with the Hold Steady lyric: There are nights when I think that Sal Paradise was right–boys and girls in America, they have such a sad time together. And then I started re-reading Altered Carbon and hit on: “Women are the race. No two ways about it. Male is just a mutation with more muscle and half the nerves. To be a woman [is] a sensory experience beyond the male. Touch and texture ran deeper, an interface with environment that male flesh seemed to seal out instinctively. To a man, skin was a barrier, a protection. To a woman, it was an organ of contact.” That’s slightly edited, but it’s all weighing heavily on me. The point of this is that recently I feel like I really do understand female/female relationships platonic or romantic, at least to the extent that one can understand anything involving other people (that’s a whole other thing not for tonight). But male/female relationships? I know my inability to get this goes deeper than a simple difference between genders. I wonder if there isn’t some fundamental piece I’m missing, something maybe other people know? Wow, uh, this is vague and nearing delirous ramblings. The point is, it goes beyond “gee, I sure don’t understand boys and their stange ways” to something else that I haven’t been able to pinpoint, but I think maybe it’s about how intergender relationships work and something that’s within me that makes me not respond in the way I’m supposed to.

Also it’s raining in Tennessee. Which I’d like to point out, it rains WAY more than old Seattle does. It’s just damp in Seattle. I feel much more accutely affected by the rain here.

And while I’m at it, I might need to stop watching Heroes before I lose my mind completely and start pretending that Peter Petrelli exists and is in fact my boyfriend. Seriously, why aren’t there a a million guys like that? And like maxroswell? The world most definitely needs more guys like him.

Author: Ajax Bell

Seattle author. Stops to smell the flowers. Amateur nerd (I wanna go pro but I haven't found anyone to pay me). Humble hippo enthusiast. queer/bi. they/them.

4 thoughts on “She was a damn good dancer, but she wasn’t all that great of a girlfriend

  1. What do you feel is “the way you’re supposed to respond” to intergender relationships?

  2. If I could answer questions like that, I wouldn’t ramble on about this stuff to begin with! 🙂

  3. I wonder if there isn’t some fundamental piece I’m missing, something maybe other people know?

    I think no one knows that piece. It’s interesting that made a post yesterday about a similar thing, re: really understanding the male experience.

  4. Sadly her LJ is locked, so I can’t read the post.

    I wonder though, if that missing piece is the same for everyone, or if it changes for each relationship/dymanic between people?

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