In high school people often used to come up to me and say in (what I perceived to be) a whining, wheedling way, “Are you mad at me?” At the time it just further pissed me off. Generally, no, I wasn’t mad at them exactly, but asking that question always pushed me over the top to enraged.
I don’t have anger issues. Really, I don’t think anyone who knows me would say that I do. Back then, in high school, I used to wonder what made people always say that to me. At some point I decided it was just my face. I have a pretty goofy smile, I think maybe the kind that makes other people smile, but my neutral expression? It’s kind of pissy. I don’t mean I’m usually pissy so I look that way, I mean when I’m thinking or feeling nothing, the angles of my face look a little dissaproving or something. So yes, for years I attributed people’s reactions to me as a result of this.
In retrospect, that may or may not have been true. Now I know myself better. I’ve also always thought I had a really good poker face. I’ve often been told this by people. And maybe in some cases this is true, but really the problem in my interaction with some people is that I just can not hide my disdain as much as I’d like. I can’t abide most kinds of stupidity and maybe I’ve never really learned to properly conceal my reaction to it.
I genuinely like most people. I believe I really can find something good about almost everyone, but you know you aren’t going to like everyone. It’s just not possible. And as much as I try to keep up appearances, my dislike, rare as it is, always seems to seep through.
What prompted this bit of introspective asshattery? A coworker, a grown woman, came to me and said in that whining, wheedling way, “Are you mad at me? Have I done something?” Yes, yes, you have, I didn’t say, you’ve generally been a complete fucking moron in my presence and I can’t stand that. Sorry I can’t fake it for you, like you appear to fake to everyone all the time, to the point of appearing generally false and untrustworthy (which is a bad combination with your inherent stupidity).
Yeah, maybe I didn’t have a point at all. I swear I was writing this to make myself feel better and now I’m crankier than when I started.